Monthly Archives: September 2014

I woke this morning feeling like I never slept…..I think I am catching Dan’s cold….I have a terrible cough, every time I cough my chest hurts and my head feels like it is going to fall off. Besides my normal aliments, I feel like shit…..I can not wait for the day to end and it just got started. But I still got ready and went into the office. The only good thing it was quite at the office…..most the agents were at CE training class….(which I already did on line). I cannot wait to go home, change my clothes, into something comfy……make dinner…..something quick and fast…..(chicken and broccoli for me, steak and broccoli for Dan)…..I really should go food shopping tonite… but I am choosing not too!!!!!
I think, Dan will agree, it would be the best interest for all involved that tomorrow is another day…….and we can get food tomorrow……we will not starve……besides I could use to loose some weight……..not much time before St. Marrten.

I woke Saturday morning feeling sick to my stomach…..I been dreading this day from first learning of Jack’s death. I wanted to be strong for Dan and Pat….I hoped I could hold it together emotionally, for them. Well, I was not successful at all…..from the time I walked in the room and I saw Pat, Jack’s Daughters, Sister and the grandchildren….I was overwhelmed with emotion and the tears rolled down my face. I barely could catch my breathe to speak….exactly what I did not want to do. It killed me to watch the video of pictures and listen to the music selection (which I must say was beautifully done)….I was totally beside myself. I lost it when Pat spoke of her best friend and buddy…..and I lost it even more when Dan spoke….(he was so worried, he wanted to describe the incredible man Jack was , and how much he meant to Dan and everyone he came in contact with, Jack was like a second dad to Dan – Well Dan did a great job….Jack would have been very impressed…..as was everyone in the room)….Great Job. Jack’s grandchildren also got up to speak….they were amazing…..I could have never done it…..Jack would have been very proud of all them. The whole event, the memorial service and repass dinner was truly nice and well done…..Jack would have been happy and honored.

After the repass dinner we had to go to Kessler rehab Center to visit our friend Larry. Larry got Dan set up in the Horse racing business and taught him everything about the business and sold him all the horses and sold Dans horse for him. The night before we had learned that he went to have a surgery on his neck….2 hour surgery……which in short turned to be an 8 hour surgery and has a bad outcome. He may not walk again…..this news was devasting to all that know him….horses and being active was his life. We feel so bad for him…..it just really sucked seeing him so depressed and unable to move. Dan talked horses with him and tried to keep him positive. Dan feed him some ice cream and then we left.
Just so sad……It was an extremely sad and depressing day. Dan and I could not wait to get home, crawl into bed, go asleep and end the day.

Sunday was a little lighter, thank god. Dan and I had the Jet game to go to. We were so in need of something fun and happy. Although, the plan was to tailgate, have the sandwiches and salads we bought from Lotito’s…..that did not happen…because we got there, unpacked the truck, set up to hang out and eat, but Dan forgot to pack the food. Of course he felt terrible, I laughed……so we had some chips and ice tea…..hung out for awhile and then we went into the game. Once inside the stadium, we got some vendor food, popped a swat on the grounds and had a picnic……and people watched. We then meet up with our niece Nina and her boyfriend Alex, hung with them a little while and then went to our seats to watch the game. It was a great day for the game…..off course the Jets lost, but it was a great game.

Then after the game we went to Erika’s house to celebrate Bella’s Birthday……..I had been looking forward to being with everyone, it has been so long. It was great seeing everyone…..we had dinner and birthday cake. The girls have gotten so big and mature and the twins were absolutely adorable. I love my nieces and nephew so much…..it was so nice seeing my sisters.

Finally, the weekend has come to end……I can honestly say ……I am physically and emotionally trained. The good thing….I do not have to make lunch for the next day…….I have Lotitio’s sandwiches …….I am a happy camper. I can get undressed and crawl into bed…….yes!!!!!!

Woke this morning feeling terrible, but I put my big girl pants on and sucked it up. I managed to get ready to go with Dan into the office and pretend everything was just peachy, when all I really wanted to do is go back to bed or stay home and die.

Of course I get my winter clothes out of storage to change over and the weather is back to being warm again, it figures….but at least it is sunny and beautiful out. Not looking forward to tomorrow at all…..It is the memorial service for Jack. I know it is going to be extremely emotional and sad….I know I am not going to be able to keep it together at all…..but I have to try for Pat and for Dan….(I know Dan is going to talk about Jack and share some funny stories (Jack would like that)….but inside he willing be carrying a heavy heart filled with sadness and pain, like myself. I can not believe he is gone and this is a final goodbye. It is eating me up inside. Jack touched so many peoples lives, especially Dan’s.

On a good note and something to look forward too, we have the Jets game on Sunday…..we were suppose to tailgate and use our new grill, but that might be put on hold, it all depends on how Dan is feeling…since he has a bad sinus infection and bronchitus. We are also going to see my sisters and nieces and nephew for Bella’s birthday. I am so looking forward to seeing them, I have not been able to hang with them the last few months with all the shit going on in my life……being sick, the accident, the passing of Dan’s mom, getting the House fixed and ready for sale in Toms River, and everything else. I miss them a lot and enjoy just being around them.

Today just seems like it is dragging, 5:00 cannot come soon enough. I just want to go home change into my comfy clothes and veg and do absolutely nothing (like that will ever happen, someone has to make dinner and clean up afterwards…..guess who? Yeap, that would be me). I need to get myself together for tomorrow also……so upset about….I get tears in my eyes everytime I think about him.

I have had it and I am at my wits end. I keep saying to myself, when is all this shit going to end. I am trying to be positive and not let the little bumps in life take over. Yes the cards I have been dealt have not been good, but I move forward and keep thinking it could be a lot worse. I am grateful for my husband, family and friends that have been by my side. But the shit never stops……Yesterday I am sitting the office, I rubbed my tongue across my teeth and my tooth breaks off at the gum line…..I just spent $1500 on a root canal on this tooth a few months ago……I freaked out. I am so upset, it is the front side….I am so beside myself. So now I am afraid to eat anything and afraid of the tooth causing pain and getting infected. I went to the dentist first thing this morning….the result, nothing they can do at the time….the tooth (what is remaining in the gum has to be surgically removed…..exactly what I feared.) So there goes $1500 down the drain and another $500-$700 more to be spent. This really, really sucks. So now I have a broken tooth, my stomach is killing me so bad, my heart is hurting from sugars ups/downs and the lost of a good friend Jack.

I am also very worried about Dan’s well being, with all the shit going on…..handling his parents estate, the lost of both his parents in a six month period, the lost of Dear friend Jack, the renovation of the Tom River house, the insurance claims and paper work, and his normal daily activities and problems at the office. He amazes me, he is always so calm and always has a smile on his face…..never showing his internal stress or pain. Plus he has a terrible cold. I just worry about him…….He is only human and there is only so much one can take.

Today is a busy day,….we have a lot of running around to do…..get my winter clothes out of storage, drop off jump-drive with music for Jack’s memorial at the funeral home, get paperwork for the estate out, office errands.

This was a tough and bitter sweet weekend. It was hard for Dan and I, our hearts were heavy with the lost of our dear friend. Jack was a tremendous influence in Dan’s life and mine, Pat and Jack were a special couple together and dear friends……always together like Dan and I. We traveled so much together and had great times……But most of all Jack was an inspiration to me….he always pushed me to keep living….we were sickness buddies, we pushed each other to get thru our sicknesses and operations. I will miss him terribly…..I know he is in a better place and he has no more pain…..but it sucks for those left behind that loved him so much……especially for Pat.

Pat had asked Dan to speak at his memorial service……so Dan was thinking about what he wanted to say. He wants to capture the great qualities that Jack held and how he touched everyone he met. It was a very emotionally mixed weekend.

We just stayed by ourselves and tried to relax. Sunday, we went to the River Palm for a quiet and romantic anniversary dinner…….Dan and I both had the crusted tuna , oysters and split a chocolate lava cake for dessert……………It was a perfect 13 year anniversary……I look forward to growing old and gray with my best friend, my rock. Thank you Dan for loving me and always making every minute of my life exciting.

Woke this morning, beautiful outside. We have a busy day head of us. We had to return the rent-a-car and had to go to a walk thru and a closing for our clients. In the middle of doing all this, Dan got a call from Pat (Pat and Jack our dearest friends)…..I knew by the look on Dan’s face, I knew it was not good. I could hear Pat’s voice in the back ground…..I could tell she was crying…..Jack had passed away last nite…..He had a massive heart attack from the Chemo treatments. My heart just dropped and I could not control my tears…….My heart instantly hurt for Pat and Dan…..Jack was like a second father to Dan. Dan was beside himself. I am so upset, I cannot find the words to express the lost I am feeling…..He was a great man, a good friend, a wonderful husband and father……a passionate and loving person. I know he is in a better place and his pain is finally over…..he always kept fighting and never complained…….But it does not make the ones he left behind feel better. Jack was my sickness and pain buddy…….we experienced so many similar issues together….It just sucks……I miss him terribly already. I know it was his time……but he was to young, only 67…….it just not fair…….we were going to have dinner with the two of them this Saturday. Jack was a big part of our lives…..He always looked out for us, like a father figure and a great man.

I have to go, I am having a hard time to seeing thru my tears……..we have lost another dear and good person in the last few months.

I woke this morning feeling a little better than the past few days……this makes me so happy…..finally some relief. It is not a lot, at lease I do not feel like vomiting….this is a positive and I will take it. It is going to be a good day, the sky is bright blue, the sun is out, just a few little cotton balls in the sky and about 70…….an ideal day. Went to office this morning with Dan….to find out phones and computers down….upper Bergen County was down….so it was extremely quite at the office for the first 3 hours of the day. It eventually came back on, and things were back to normal. We left the office early to attend the Sotheby’s function – Open house of the Pearl…..on the water. It was very nice, an absolutely beautiful night for it…….Hung out there, socialized with agents of the company, toured the units, had some food that was catered by the Market Basket…..a really nice event. Dan and I came home, and made my stuffed peppers for tomorrows dinner. I then made lunch for the next day, cleaned up, and got ready for bed……I was so tired and stomach was killing me……I went straight to bed.

I just want someone to shoot me. I can not take it anymore…….for the last couple of weeks my stomach has been killing me, a lot more than normal……now all I want to do is toss my cookies. I just cannot take it anymore, I feel this way whether I have eaten or not….something is not right. My sugars are all over…..simply, I am big mess. It is getting harder to cover up how I feel, I do not complain, but internally I feel like shit and just want to jump out of my skin. Sorry, I just need to vent…….I know things could be worse,…..but it does not make it easier or any better.

Getting ready to come to the office with Dan was tough this morning…….I thought I was going to have to stay home……but I pushed myself and managed to be ready on time. Dan was able to get cake for the agent’s birthday….and was there with enough time to prepare for his office meeting. He had a greet meeting and a excellent turn out (as he always does).

The rest of the day, I am doing follow up work for Dan on our clients files………the day can not end soon enough……I just want to cry……I feel like tossing my cookies and just want to go to bed. I hope I can hold out till 5:00.

While making a list of the things I need to get done within the next couple days…..a terrible thought came to mind……Oh No!!!!!!
It is that time of year, the changing of the Buckets….summer to fall clothes…..I hate this task. I guess I know where I will be going this weekend….S T O R A G E.!!!!!!!!

Tonight, after dinner we have to go food shopping……yes, fun, fun, fun.

This weekend was crazy busy.
Saturday I woke up early, did not sleep well at all, tossed and turn all night…….my stomach was killing me (nothing new). I made a nice breakfast for Dan, cleaned up and got ready for our journey to South Jersey. I was Dan’s helper…..I helped with changing the electrical and lighting fixtures on the outside of house…..yes, everything worked, which was a plus. I help weed the outside landscaping…..which is a major thing…I don’t do weeds or anything close to bugs. We then proceeded to pull up the green/grassy flooring on the 3 season porch, cleaned it all up and took measurements to get new flooring. Dan and I then went to Home Depot to purchase the flooring and tools needed to put it down…….Yes, I was free labor…..I loaded the truck (I got a good work out…those boxes were heavy). When we got back to the house, Sal and his son Tony came by to go over the details of the wood flooring, cabinetry, etc that will be installed and the job taking place in the next couple of weeks. Tony had his sons with him…..they got so big….I felt so old. Sal stayed, to talk and catch up with Dan…..(they had not seen each other in awhile – Sal decided to help Dan lay the flooring)…..it was like old times when they use to flip houses together. I was the person who brought the boxes in from the garage and cleaned up the mess…..also I was the weight for the seams….Starting to get a complex…..(I guess my fat is is useful for something). The task was completed in two ours and looked great……such an improvement over the Astro turf shit……God I hated it….So did Dan. Yes his mother was turning in her grave. It was late, I did not eat anything, so of course my sugar fell to a 30….I drank a bottle of glucose and we quickly ran to follow up with solid food. We went to this buffet place….Dan wanted Chinese,(which is bad for me) so it was a good compromise. We were so tired and soar….a very long day……we had a nice dinner ( I had a frog legs for ,the first time…so good…they taste like chicken….I am glad I tried them). Our stomachs were full…mine was now really killing me….but we were ready for the ride home – which took forever, by time we got home it was time for bed. It was a successful day of getting things done on a crappy/rainy day.

Sunday, woke up to a beautiful day ….a nice fall day. Dan and I decided to go into the city for the San Gennaro feast and to walk around in China town. It was so crowded, everyone was out due too the beautiful weather……a great people watching day. We decided to first walk around China town…..we found this vendor selling this weird fruit…..look like a huge pine cone and very heavy….It is called Durian (Kings foot – from Thailand). The vendor cut it up for us and told us how to eat it (he stressed you cannot eat the seeds) and we should eat it cold(which it was already)….it looked like custard……so we found this little park like area and popped a swat and proceed to try this unusual fruit. It was very good…..interesting and quite tasty. Dan and I laughed so much …… we had a little picnic…..in the middle of China town….we people watched and fed the pigeons…just enjoyed the surroundings and being outside, it was nice……It was so weird we walked a couple of blocks and we were now in another world. We were in Little Italy..(only in New York City)..It smelt so good the Zeppoli’s,….grilled sausge and peppers, fried oreos, wine and beer, Italian ices, homemade gelatos, pastas, mussels, etc…..( you could gain 10lbs on the smells alone)…..but Dan and I were good we had a nice dinner outside and just watch all the people, we laughed a lot……the people were very entertaining. Okay, I confess we did have a gelato, it was dessert….but we walked it off, it was the energy we needed to walk back to the car…..it was a workout getting thru the crowds. By the time we got home it was late and we were exhausted…….and of course I was paying the price for dessert……I was miserable in pain and could not get to bed fast enough. It was a great weekend with my soul mate and best friend, I am so lucky to have Dan in my life…….even when I am in pain, he makes ever minute of life so special and worth living………………Thank you baby…..I love you so much!!!!!

I woke this morning feeling like shit…..my stomach was killing me and every muscle in body hurt….I felt like I got hit by a truck. But besides that, it is Friday and beautiful out…bright blue skies, sunny and cool. Just Nice.

Did my usual, made Dan breakfast, cleaned up, ironed my clothes….and I attempted to work out but I could not…..when I tried doing my crunches on the ball…..I almost tossed my cookies (not good), so I plan on working out later in the day. Got ready and went to the office with Dan. My stomach is not getting better……the pain seems to be getting worse, which now is making my head hurt…..all I keep thinking is…. “Really, can someone just give me a break.”

I took care of some clerical work on some files and made some calls. I then decided to go get a mani/pedi since the pain in my stomach lessen a little, so I took advantage of the situation and tried to make the bad a positive. But a comment was made to me, which I did not know if they were trying to give me a compliment or not. The woman who did my nails went to give me a message….while she was giving the message (which by the way felt so good), she makes this weird movement and says “Oh, Kristine……I feel your bones and ribs……you need to eat.” Damn…..what ever happened to be polite/politically correct…..If you do not have something nice or good say, do not say anything at all. Anyway, I felt at least I did something productive which was nice.

Went to show a Townhouse unit with Dan, to a past client….which was nice …..got out of the office and enjoy the beautiful weather. Still feeling crappy, my sugars are all over, up and down…..which is not helping. I cannot wait to go home, and start the weekend, it is going to be crazy busy…….will be South Jersey bound again at some point.