Monthly Archives: March 2011

Sunny Sunday

Well, my first day to my new attitude on life. The sun is out, still cold, but at least there is no snow on the ground, and that is a definite good thing. Got up this morning and cleaned, the usual weekend chores. I am happy now, I have a nice clean house, clean sheets and towels, and clean clothes….all is good. My physical being is the usual, just feel like crap – nothing unnormal – had a low this morning- but caught it- Dan did not notice which was a good thing…..Going with him to the office, from there we will decide what we will do for the rest of day…..I think it is going to be a quiet and lazy day. Will have to change the clothes over – seasonal change…..We know how much I love doing that.

Hoping to get started again

Sorry I have not written in a while. Things are just miserable in my world and have not wanted to converse.  I have been really sick, bad headaches, belly aches, some bad lows, memory lost, etc….no seizures, that it is a the only good thing.  Instead now I have new symptoms,  memory lost and disorientation…..I just don’t get it.  I feel and look like crap……and now the spring is coming……diet and getting into shape…..something new to work on and worry about……besides bills, etc……It just seems like the world is going into the crapper……So I have decided to start writing again.  Maybe with the spring coming, nicer weather, things will get better, I will be able to get out more, exercise outside, go for walks with Dan after dinner for exercise and socialization…….Going to make a new start….and make happy things happen or try to!!!!  Life is to short and I am tired of myself…..This is the last day of me complaining and venting……I realize no one really cares, it is my problems and I have to live them.  I am looking forward to this positive attitude, the health is never get better, so I am going to make how I live it a little better…..going to try.  So my new  comment….Everything is Good!!!!  Look forward to writing again…..

Just note to say Thank You

Just want to say Thank you  to Dan…..For spending the couple of hours by my sisters house….so I could be with my nieces and nephew…..and my sisters…..It was very nice and  special…..Thank you!!!!!!!

Busy weekend

This is the start to a busy weekend……Starting off with not a so pleasant task….Have to go to the Mayor’s funneral…..and then run errands, trying to set up appointment for Dan to show our client a house in Emerson on Sunday……then get my niece Maya a birthday gift….she is a 11 tomorrow…..god time has flown by.  She has turned out to be a beautiful young lady, with a big heart….she is such a good kid, so is her sister……I love them so much….My sister did a great job raising them and should be very proud……I know I am.  Then we have to go food shopping (that is always a nightmare…..hopefully this time I won’t loose a limb..LOL…people are just maniacs)……and plan on have a quiet night home….to start all over again in the morning……Looking forward to Maya’s birthday party, get to see family, and the twins…. my sister and brother-in-law.    Hopefully I have no seizures or problems…..Yesterday I did not feel well and I had a lapse of memory….just weird….no low – just lost of memory and time…….this makes me nervous.  Something new……I did have a sugar low after breakfast this morning but caught it.  Just gotta hope for the best.

Major meltdown….bad day

Yesterday, was just all around bad day…….major meltdown.  Just was tired of life, everything.  Unfortunately happen at the wrong time, and I was not the nicest person to be around……not proud of it, and sorry for any problems.

Finally – good news

Finally some good news…….I got a call from my mother tonight -around 9:30 eastern time- she was calling from her house.  They allowed people back to their homes, I am so relieved that they have a house, and all their things.  They were unable to see if there was any damage to the property or outside of the house, it was too dark and smokey….they will have a better grip on things in the morning.   They are just grateful they had a place to return to and far as they could tell no damage inside – unfortunately alot of their neighbors and  friends were not as lucky… heart goes out to them, it is a horrible feeling, I know to loose everything and only have the clothes on your back…..but the good thing/brighter side they are alive to talk about it and no one was injured or hurt.  Thank God.

Well now maybe I will get a good night sleep……now I know they are safe and home.  Now I just have to deal with horrible headache and stomach pains……maybe they will lessen, without the stress.  I have been in such a terrible  mood, I am so done/tired of feeling so shitty.  Enough already.  Hopefully, tomorrow will have good things instored.  Maybe my wish will come true, at least one of the two,  I know the wish for a day without pain are about slim to none – then again the other wish is a no go either – winning the lottery…..but I guess that is why they are called wishes or dreams……..I can only hope…..that is all I have.  Nite – Nite!!!

Still no word – feeling hopeless

Did not sleep at all, just worried sick about my parents.  I just was imagining them sitting and waiting to see what their future holds, I know the feeling all so well…..I wish I could be there to console them…Nothing I can really do.  I called first thing this morning and they still were out there on the road side, they spent the night in the car because all the local hotels were filled and they had the dog.   They don’t have their meds, and they are in limbo…..the fire started up again, and the winds are making matters worse.  A few of their friends found out they lost everything……their area is still burning, I am just thankful they got out and  everyone is safe…….They said they would call when they had more information….They sound tired and worried.  It just sucks!!!!!!!  I told them, just say the word and we would be out there……can’t really do anything until we know here everything stands……Just feels like everything is a waiting game…so not fair.  Hopefully, I will have some answers soon.

Feeling helpless, scared and so worried

What else!!!!! I get a phone call from my mother upset and I could sense fear in her words…..She called to inform me, that her and my father were okay, (the dog too); but they were evacuated from their house, due to a a very bad brush fire, that was quickly spreading due to 50-60 mile winds…..the neighborhood was up in fire and they did not know the status of their home. I feel so horrible for them, especially experiencing the lost of everything you own, in a matter of minutes due to a fire. I am so greatful that they got out and they are okay physically- but I wish I could be right there by their side for them, and they were not alone. They said they would keep me updated…..but I am so nervous….I am watching the news, the pictures are scary and I just want to get in the car and be there already…….THIS REALLY SUCKS!!!!!
DAN AND I FEEL SO HELPLESS – WATCHING THE FLAMES SPREAD SO QUICKLY- just smoke and flames….I am trying my parents and no answer…..I am sick right now…..God – someone answer the phone.

Something new – so weird

Yes, something new!!!! And extremely weird.  The day started as normal, feeling crappy as usual.  So I went about my weekend routine, cleaned, changed the bedding, etc…..and I went out with Dan to do so errands and stopped at the office as the last stop.  And then headed home for dinner – I guess it was about  4:30,  planned to have early dinner and then finish up errands, afterwards.  Well that is the last thing I remember. 

Dan said I made dinner and while eating ,   I was complaining of a bad headache – sugars were okay, and that I could not see, especially out of right eye……and then  I started to tip to one side and almost off the kitchen chair on to the floor…..I was totally disoriented and did not know where I was or doing.  Dan  proceeded to get me into bed and I started mumbling and talking about nonsense – a little man, a box, etc…..I still was complaining I could not see and head hurt, finally I   feel asleep.  When I woke it was 9:00 , my head was killing me so bad, I felt sick to my stomach and my whole body hurt…….and I  did not remember anything- I mean nothing.  This scares me, Am I loosing my mind.  I hope it was just a fluky thing……I don’t know how much more I can take.  I woke this morning with the same bad headache and a really nausa feeling. I am  feeling uneasy and very nervous. 

It is  ulgy out, rainy and dreary- just the way I feel.  I hate that I can not remember anything or why this happened… least if it was a sugar low- I am  use to that………this makes me uneasy and very nervous……God I wish I would get a break…..I wish I could end all this – this way Dan could have a normal life and there would be no more problems…….I really do!!!!   I can’t even get my thoughts out right…..It has taken me so long just to right this……I fear for the future, especially if this something new.

Time goes by so fast

Time goes by so fast, it is Friday already and seems like it was just Monday.  It is another sunny day and it is very cold out, at least it feels like it.  I have gotten to a slow start this morning…..last night was a little rough…..but I am proud of myself…I was able to handle and control a sugar low myself….Dan did not know anything about it; I woke in the middle of night, soaking wet and very shaky….when I checked my sugar it was 37…..I took two bottles of glucose shots  and waited for it to kick in.  At least, I caught it before I had a full blown seizure… head is killing me, and body is achy…..which is the reason for my slowness today….the good thing is I remember this time….it did not effect my memory , for a change (although my thoughts seem scattered- one out two is not bad).  

I cooked home made macroni and cheese  for a side dish for tonite’s dinner…..Dan loves it – it is really good if I don’t say so my self…..3 different types of cheeses and baked with bread crumbs…..yummy!!!!

I was on facebook, and became extremely sad and almost started to cry….I read an entry that an old high school friend made….he recently lost his wife…..and he wrote how he missed her.  It broke my heart,  you could tell he loved her so much and he was lost.  I have been wanting to write him, but I just don’t know what to say….I want to find the right words,,,,(there is nothing that could take his pain away – I know that, it just makes me terribly sad and feeling helpless)……I don’t know what I would do if I lost Dan…..I can’t even imagine……I must make a point to reach out to my friend, even if it his just to let him know, I am there for him…….I  don’t take anytime for granted……Life is too short……and goes by so fast.