Monthly Archives: December 2010

Snowy Sunday

Well, thank god for snow…Although it put a damper on our holiday family plans it gave me and Dan the opportunity to do absolutely nothing. Not it would have matter, I didn’t want to miss hanging out with my parents and sisters and their kids. But last night was really bad for me…. after having a nice time with the family, I went to bed and had a real bad night …..Dan woke to me having a bad seizure and not being able to breath. Dan said it was a bad one, and lasted for several hours….I feel bad that he had to deal with me, while was feeling bad himself. So the bad weather, although pretty, gave us the opportunity to rest and feel better….Dan’s blood pressure was high all day, from the excitement of the seizure and worrying about the aftermath….I just feel fuzzy and unstable….having a hard time gathering my thoughts….so I would have not been very sociable. Just got done watching a movie alone with Dan – cryied – great Movie with Clint Eastwood – Gran torino,,,,,going to bed early – Hope nothing happens tonite.

Christmas Eve and Day

As always Christmas Eve rolls around and there just does not seem like there is enough time in the day… so much stress, but it always seems to work out.  Had some last minute shopping to do – food  for Christmas day, small odds and end gifts, but most of all waiting for my daughters Christmas gift to be delivered by Fed Ex, was lost (a ring being shipped by the jeweler – sent out             3 days ago….two days late – stayed  home waiting for it and it did not come till 4:00 pm on Xmas Eve, set me back in getting things ready) but it got here…Thank God,  My parents are coming over for Christmas Eve dinner along with my sister  Erika, ordering Chinese food, going to bake more cookies, and then exchange gifts…then my parents will stay  with Erika to be there Christmas morning to open gifts with her and her daughters Maya and Bella.  Dan and I will have a quite Christmas Breakfast the two of us and then his daughters will come down to our house, hang-out, exchange gifts, take pictures and then head to my Sister  Kathleen’s house to have dinner with her, her husband Marcos, the twins, Erika, Maya, Bella, Dan, Lauren, Jenny and myself……bringing food over – very informal (I call it international, Brazilian, Italian, German) and then dessert.  Everything turned out nice….it is so sad –  so much stress and preparation and it is all over in a couple of hours….fun, food was good, took pictures…..nice – just wish it didn’t to end so fast.  Dan   again still not right….came home and went to bed – in so much pain…..I wish I  could take it away and blood pressure would improve…..I am so  exhausted,,…Head is about to explode sugars are so high  -in the high 600’s, it is the desserts,   diet starts tomorrow and another day of adventure……Good nite and Dan thank you so much for being a great husband, lover and friend also the best Dad to your girls and a great Son-in-law – I love you, and thank you again for my gift. (Just being you and loving me) I mean that.  Merry Christmas and to all a good nite.

Holiday fun has started

Well my parents finally arrived from New Mexico…..they look great and it is so wonderful to see them, it feels great to have my arms around them, and hug and kiss them….I have missed them so much. They got in dinner time on Monday….so went to get a quick bite to eat and came back and stayed up late (me and my mother) just talking and catching up it was great. I am still very concerned about Dan, his neck and back are still bothering him, and his blood pressure is still all over, has been feeling just real crappy and going to bed early. The next morning, I made a nice breakfast and took my parents to see Brian and Laurie (our horse trainers) to see our new addition and to drop off some Holiday treats and gifts for them……It was really nice, my parents petted the horses and got to see the farm……and they went for Lunch up in Pine Bush…..had lots of fun talking…..made a nice dinner and stayed up for a while around the tree…..God how much I miss having them around,….was able to catch a sugar low….thank god….Dan was already asleep…it would have been a disaster if not caught…..Felt like crap and it just seems the fuzzy and sick feelinfg to stomach is not going away….But I am determined to not let it get in the way.
Wednesday, we (Dan and I) went down to his parents for our usually weekly visit. His mother was not feeling well, so Dan took her the doctor, (Now has the Shingles – in alot of pain -got medication and pain killers) while stayed with his Dad…..I played cards with him, whereupon he proceed to whip my ass and bad….went to the Walmart to get there pescriptions – took forever and I had a sugar low – don’t remember it or much up to and after that point…..had dinner and headed home to my parents….. Long day. While we down in South Jersey = my parents went to see Marcos, Kathleen and the twins – MJ and Olivia…it was the first time seeing them and were so excited. My Dad, was very good with him…helped out Marcos take care of them while my sister and Mom went shopping.
Thursday my parents, Dan and I went to the mall to do Xmas shopping,,,,,going to finish up the shopping for my mom, while they ran down to see Maya and Bella, mother is so excited to see them..Later Dan and I will meet up with them to catch a bite…come home and collapse – cannot wait to go to bed….I just feel so sick, sugars all over and stomach is literally killing me. But I cannot complain..Dan is in so much pain too – I love the holidays but all the running, delivering Holiday cookies, etc…sucks when you are dying inside. But being together is really matters and although so many times I said to Dan – “Just don’t help me when I have a seizure….Let me go” I just want to say to him “Thank you and I love you so much for not listening to me”….I would not trade these moments in for a minute. Next Christmas Eve and Dinner – Everyone together- Cannot wait.

My B-Celebration w/Sisters and Family

It was a busy day…..Trying to get the house inorder, finish up baking, delivering the cookies to past clients,….worrying about Dan. Dan was a real sport……helped in getting the house ready, and then took me to my sister Erika’s house where her and the girls, (Maya and Bella – who have grown into absolutely beautiful and smart girls) and Kathleen and Marcos came over with the twins Olivia and MJ ( Marcos Jr)…… was really nice…very special…..Thank you all and thank you Dan – I know it was alot for you (being in so much pain) it meant alot to me……we made our plans for Christmas Day and Dinner. Everyone had fun and I can’t wait till tomorrow, my parents should get here tomorrow evening……I have to get up real early to everything done before they get here…..not enough hours…..The way I feel….Dan’s health is more important, no need stressing, it is family, and what gets done gets done…….so be it. Now I have to get Dan to think the same…….I am going to go to bed have to get up early…..head is absolutely killing me….Sugars were in the 500’s today took insulin accordingly – but can’t figure why not responding….Just hope it does not all of sudden drop…..I hate having to always worry….but I won’t complain….I am alive and it could be worse……Going to dream about good things and This special holiday with everyone together…..thanks again to the close of a great B-Day…..ox

Patiently Waiting

Sorry for not writing for a while…..It has been a very rough and bad couple of days for me, as well as for Dan. Let me start off by saying…..
I am proud to say that it is now Seven years of being alive, December 14th has come and went -now going on my 8th year, that I was not expected to live…….And I am so happy, although at times I wish I weren’t, those are the melt down days as I call them……but due to the excellent care of my husband and his love, I am still around and looking forward to many more years with him….so thank you. He made the day wonderful for me….had lunch with the girls and him, played with my hairy grandchildren and then had a nice dinner just the two of us…..(just wished he felt better)……His blood pressure has come down some, not enough, and to top it all off, he has a very bad head/chest cold…..I wish I could take all his aliments away…….But we are trying……and the reason for me not writing…..I have had many sugar lows and seizures it is unbelieveable….no rhyme or reasoning…..out of blue and frequently….which puts more pressure on the both of us and our health….we – the two of us together one big mess  -he needs me around cause he is fuzzy with the high blood pressure – which is really scary – because I can’t remember hours of the day or even days…..after the seizures……This is the first day that I can actually  put thoughts together and write …(How am I doing??? lol)

Trying to catch up and get the house inorder….all the painters, carpet cleaners, etc are done…..moving on to Christmas,,,,what only a week away…..I told Dan not to stress, his health is more important and what gets done gets done…..My  parents left today…….driving to NJ from New Mexico,,,,more stress / worry till they get here,,,,,Can’t wait to see them……..Well I need to take my cookies out of the  oven…..only another 40 dozen to go….then   need to wrap and deliver……I need my head examined……keep you posted…..For now – bye!!!!! 🙂

Still Scared and Nervous

Well, the painters are finally done, minus some touch ups, so tomorrow I can start to clean and get my house in order.  I am still very nervous and scared about Dan…..his blood pressure has come down a little but not much,,,,,only really  one full day, he says he feels a little better…..not as fuzzy and disoriented…..went to bed early and hopefully,  we can sleep in a little later, since the painters will not be here early…..and tomorrow will be a two full days of the meds, should start to see some change.  I am looking forward to getting a good nights sleep…feel like crap, had two sugar lows today, feeling terrible inside, but have no time to give into it, to worried about Dan……Just want to get back on schedule  and to some normalacy (is that even a word)….you know what I mean……just so behind… get tree up, bake etc……just stressing thinking about it……I need to shut my brain off for a little bit, at least for tonite…..start fresh tomorrow……good nite.

Bad Day For Dan

Dan is just having a bad streek when it comes to health. He was not feeling so good yesterday, so he checked his blood pressure and it was in the 200’s, I almost died when I saw the numbers…..we called the doctor and said he must come see him….of course this stopped the physical therapy session scheduled….doctor said he could have a stroke and should not do anything till he saw him….must calm down….So I brought him into the city to see the doctor……we were there all day…..(I was so nervous….and so was he). The doctor went over his symptoms and medicines he his currently taken… dosages and put him on blood pressure pills, has constantly monitor his blood pressure, and was ordered to relax, no intense activity and not to get stressed, be calm (hello – LOL – our live is nothing but stress……me being his biggest problem, thank god no seizures…..but dieing inside – lots of lows and running my sugars real high so the when it drops it does not go into seizures….needless to say I feel like shit and worried to death about Dan……just not good for the both of us)……Dan went to bed early….keep checking on him, hopefully the pills will start working on bring his numbers down and he feels at least a little better…..I hate seeing him like this – he is not use to having anything wrong with him. I am going to hang with him, don’t expect to sleep much…..worrying all night. But I must think positive – tomorrow will be better.

Back to Reality

Well, it is back to reality and it really stinks. Leaving my second home is very depressing, 18 days of beautiful weather, good friends, and quality time with my honey has now come to an end. Now the worries of Dan’s health (problems with his back, and now high blood pressure issues are now scary issues -he is in so much pain and feels horrible)…I am so upset because I wish I could do something to make him feel better….You know something is wrong when he agrees to go into the city to see the doctor….blood pressure is so high – I am so scared…We need to get it under control and get him better. So tomorrow we have an appointment to see the doctor – try to get answers and medicine…….I know he is nervous – about what is wrong and worried about me,,,,which does not help his blood pressure……I keep telling him, we will go to the doctor and I will take care of him, we are in this journey together and that I will be right by his side…..(for some reason I don’t think that makes him feel so good……But I would do anything for him…….I know it is going to be a long couple of days till we have some answers….Really not in the Christmas spirit- I will be when I know what is wrong and how I can help him……I feel so useless… is so frustrating…..How does he do it!
I am going to go now….getting upset…..will check in and let you know the events or answers. He is such a good person and does not deserve this… one does, especially not him.

Getting Sad

With one day left before the best vacation coming to an end…..I am growing very sad and upset about leaving……but inorder to come back you must first leave. I am going over in my mind the whole trip….and there is nothing I would have done differently, my only regret was that Dan had problems with his tooth and was in so much pain…..I wish he had felt better, but on the other hand, he never missed a beat……he was a real trooper and it the best vacation ever…….even when we got stuck in the elevator, during power outage and with his bad arm, managed to pry the doors open, getting me out of this little elevator, me, him and this huge raft… now – was not funny then…..we were both scared….although he would never admit…..the man amazes me. Yes that is my rock, and now hero…….God how I love him… is always an adventure with him. Just want to say thank you to him, and can’t wait to our next stay here…..longer next time. Well, still one more day left, had a party with our true and dear friends (consider them our family in St. Marteen,,,,,,Herman, Archie, Yohan, Dan’s Sis Nina, Yasmin, Tes, Lywinsky, David, Bianchi, Rosalie, Vince, we love you guys and thank you for making us feel at home )… always have a place in the States…. and thank you to dear/good friends Jonathan and Kelly. One day left…..soak all the sun I can and then sadly pack…….hopefully no problems going home….seizures and lows at coming more frequent again.,……somethings don’t change – even in my paradise…….Talk to you when I get home.

Last few days of vacation in St Maarten

Sorry I haven’t posted on here in a few days. Have been trying to enjoy vacation to the fullest…..between, sugar lows, middle of the night seizures, Dan in so much pain with his neck and arm from the pinched nerve in his neck, and his wisdom tooth having to be cut off his jaw bone as an emergency while we were here in St Maarten ( good news is the stitches are out now! and he never missed a thing kept going like nothing was wrong and made this a great trip)I just want to say thank you to my soul mate and wonderful husband who worked so hard to keep me alive everyday, so that I can be part of his life and given me the opportunity to experience one more amazing trip with him and our great friends Kelly and Jonathan. I don’t know how many time this year I told him please don’t help me the next time I have a seizure just let me go! and he told me ” Sorry can’t do that I have non refundable tickets to St Maarten and I don’t want to loose the money!!! lol. Thats what kept me going this year and not giving up) …..Thank you again baby….I love you so much !!!!!!! St Maarten has been a very special place for me over the last 9 year….I treat each year like its my last coming here and enjoy it to the fullest.