Monthly Archives: June 2010

Hot & Horrible Thursday

Woke up to a beautiful sunny morning, very warm, and expected to get hotter and hazey….hopefully it will be breezey down by Dan’s parents. This way I can sit outside and enjoy the weather and get some color. Hope my stomach gets better, I hate being uncomfortable and not having my own bathroom….I am always get myself nervous and all worked up.
I am watching Dan working with his dad outside doing yard work….it is so sad and yet so sweet….he really loves his dad, it is nice to see a smile on his face. He cherrishes every moment with him. He is a good son, never says no to his parents and does everything for them…..would you expect anthing else from Dan….he’s just a all-around great guy….and I am lucky he is mine.!!!!
Going to play a game Dominos (yes,fun) and then eat dinner and head home……hopefully I will make it home with out losing it……
my stomach is killing me and head is ready to explode, between the heat, sugar, and anxiety…..bad combo.

Happy Fathers Day

Celebrated Father’s Day for Dan today, since we have an Open House tomorrow. Went to Lauren’s townhouse to meet the newest addition to the family, Mason…..he is adorable. It was nice to sit with Lauren and Jenny and the gransons, and catch up, take pictures, talk and play. Then Dan, I and the girls (Lauren and Jenny treated)went to The Cheese Cake Factory in White Plains for dinner, it was really nice. We sat and talked, it was refreshing and it was great to see a smile on Dan’s face. He is so proud of his daughters, and so am I…..they are good kids, as well as smart and pretty…..I am very proud of them. After dinner, went back to Lauren’s and had cake, took more pictures of the puppies, and said our good byes and headed home. Unfortunately, my dinner did not agree with me and the ride home was miserable… stomach is killing me and I feel if I move or talk, I will toss my cookies…..almost wish I would, get it over with…..ready to go to bed, long day. I think Dan had a good Father’s Day, both are tired, never got to watch movie,,,,,tomorrow nite. Going to bed early, another big day tomorrow……just felt alittle sad….I wish my dad was here, so I could give him a hug and Kiss in person, instead of wishing him a Happy Father’s Day over the phone…..will see him and my mother in December- gotta remind myself of this/ gives me something to look forward too!!! On that note—-
Good Nite


Well the doctor visit was the same story, they want me to go see other specialist and take more test, so they can decide what to do next, since I am a special case. So now I have to try to schedule more appointments….I just don’t want to do anymore. Leave me alone, call me when you have some answers, other wise don’t bother me.
It’s funny, how life is so short and we spend most of time, wasted on waiting around to get answers or getting somewhere….for what – to hear “I really don’t know, we could try this and it may work,” I say “SCREW IT, I’LL DO WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT, HOW I WANT!- Dan and I are the only ones getting things done. So there, enough of me venting.
Just got done doing a Home Inspection with Dan in this beautiful house with a resort like yard to die for…..Went will – just a few things wrong…nothing major – it went by fast, brought my lunch and we ate on the deck (we always make the best of time – we are a great couple, even if I say so myself).
Next we are going to see Lauren and Jenny for Father’s Day dinner and to see my new grandson “Mason”….Kobe now has a brother. This should lift Dan’s spirits….seeing the girls and seeing the puppies….He loves dogs, already has little toys for them. Afterwards we will come home, try to see a move we rented and go to bed…Big Day tomorrow – Open House in HoHokus….work, work,…..gotta pay the bills.

Happy Hump Day

Well it is Wednesday, tried to wake with a positive mind. Just hope I can get thru the day, with the same peace of mind….gave up on feeling good….like that will ever change. I slept terribly…alot on my mind…sugar were off..the usual. Having early Father’s Day celebration for Dan’s Dad. I miss my father so much….I get so upset they are so far away and I can not just go to them for a nuturing hug or kiss…..I hate they have to celebrate holidays alone and they are so far away….but they like it in New Mexico and that is all that matters.

I am sitting here just coming off a sugar low, which I still had after drinking a mango snapple and a peach…..I had to force it down, since my stomach is killing me and seems to be getting worse (not the usual pain), I just want to go home and be in my own house and bathroom. I just want for the day to end and I can go to bed


Well, the day did not start off that well. I woke in different clothes that was the first sign of a bad nite, and then as I lifted my head off the pillow, the slamming headache and the empty bottle of Snapple and pile of of clothes by the night stand was just confirmation. Apparently, I had a bad sugar low again….and I was feeling miserable. Dan decided to let me sleep and called his mom to let her know I was sick and we were not coming down….I felt bad and said I would go, I would have pushed myself as I have in the past, but Dan said no….truthly I was glad, I really felt bad, and as the day went by it didn’t get better. I rested most of the day, sat on the deck for a little while, and then got myself together to run around with Dan. I felt like I was in slow motion, and was very upset, about not remembering what happened the night before. I was feeling quite depressed and frustrated.

Then Dan came into the room, and told me that my doctor called… heart stopped for minute… was like Dan was speaking in slow motion….it was somewhat good news. The doctor said that the tumor on my breast appears to be beneign and want to keep a close eye on it, for any changes in growth or pain.
Well, finally some good news. Now on to the next problem/situation…heart, kidneys, sugars, etc…..I know, I will never be normal and I will always issues….but good news is good news no matter how small it is….I will take anything. I can tell Dan was also relieved….It was funny we both looked at each other smiled at each other, hugged and said “OKAY, NEXT!!!”
He does not realize how is Hug ment so much and made me feel so good and safe….I just to say I love him so much and makes my horrible journey of health,,,,so much more tolerable. He is the reason I keep going on and hang in there. So I guess a not so great feeling day, turned out to be great….thank you!!!

Still Waiting

Woke up this morning and it was gloomy and dreary, the way I feel. I did not sleep well, was up many times during the night, my stomach was killing me and my mind was working on overload….I guess just waiting to hear the results from test, and thinking about what the doctors said and the test they want me to go for. I keep thinking for what? I am just going to sit around and wait, and wait, and wait for answers – that probably will not make a difference. I feel like all I do is wait for something good to happen and nothing does. I guess I am feeling sorry for myself and I am little depressed…I should not be I know, it could be alot worse, and I have lots of friends and family and most of all Dan – who care and love me…..but it does not take the pain and frustration away. Well, enough of me complaining – no one is listening or can do anything…..just had to get it off my chest.
I called this new doctor they want me to see, alot of good that was, the earliest appointment he has is not until October – great more waiting……SOMEONE GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!
Have to run errands and drive by some homes with Dan for a client….then come home and make meals to bring to Dan’s parents. I just want to go find a hole and curl up in it, till tomorrow….Like that can happen….I wonder if anyone would notice I was missing. Anyway, I guess I to have wait patiently and try not to be irritable. My sugars are running high and my head is going to explode….I wish it would and put me out of my misery.

Big doctor Day

Well today was a big Doctor Day in the NY City….I hqad a consultation with the Surgeon who did the removal of my pancreas and spline, and the whipple and his collegue. I am excited to see him, but yet it is bringing back bad memories. The good thing it is beautiful out and the trip into the city should not be stressful to bad weather, dan and I can at least take a walk in Union Square Park and people watch,,,,,which is exactly what we did…I love being in the city. Met with the doctors,,,,I gave them an update/they also spoke with my critical care doctor/main doctor and decided that something needs to be done and want more test run (possible couple of days in hospital) and to see a specialist in insulin tummors, etc.. I know they were not happy by the look in their faces, a look I know so well….they discuss a plan of action…I not happy, but I am willing to me with the specialist…..I am still waiting for the results of breast MRI- went to pick up films but the radiologist still did not make report….I can not believe it is taking so long….I am tired of hearing it a special kind of test, and because you are special type of patient….OMG!!! All I want is to be normal or better yet nothing/non-existing…I hate this so much. Well back from city and getting ready to show homes this evening with Dan and possibly write up an offer. One good thing out of the day….just cannot wait for tomorrow to come and forget today.

Long Day

Well, no answers still, My doctor did call Dan and said he was waiting to hear from the technician for the reading of films…..being it is a special test taken and he specializes in reading test…(probably won’t get results back till Monday – what’s two more days of waiting). Feeling pretty crappy but had no time to rest or even feel bad….Had a very busy day – between Home Inspection and showing homes to a customer and getting back late….I am exhausted.(the both of us are)
Went to dinner for sushi, at favorite place Nagoya – then stopped by some friends to check on the progress of them renovating the home we sold them….it is coming along and will look beautiful when finished. It was really nice…..just sat by their pool and talked, laughed and Dan jumped into the pool with clothes on….stayed till dark…..was just really nice..they are great friends and truly deserve good them alot. Both of us are extrememly exhausted. I hope to get a good nite sleep – another busy day tomorrow……Gotta go, my bed and pillow are calling my name.

No News Is Good News?…I Guess

Well, I guess that saying “No news is good news ” is going to have to be true. Dan called my doctor and he said he would get back to him once he got the results (that he had a call into the lab, waiting for a call back and he was inbetween rounds and would call again before meeting with patients)….oh well. All I can do is wait, the story of my life….in the meantime, my sugars are high, taking more insulin,,,,maybe things are getting alittle more normal, now if I could get rid of the new pain in my lower back (right in my kidney area…keep drinking alot of water….still have kankles and puffy face….God, what does Dan see in me, all these imperfections and also being irritable. I am such a pleasure, how does he stand it, I can’t stand being around myself…poor guy.
I know he is trying to keep my mind off the results….wanted me to relax, lay on the deck, get sun, etc…anything to keep me busy and not to think about it. That is what I love about him, he always makes things fun and better. I am very lucky and I know he hates when I say it …..but I really am and I love him so much for it. (That is enough…when he reads this….I will have to be sitting across the street….I will not be able to fit in the same room – head will grow – LOL!!!!).
Hope to get a good nite sleep and the good streak will last….tomorrow is very busy…gotta to go with Dan on Home Inspection AND show alot of homes… do Market Analysis, etc… Get ready for Open House…..In other words “STOP THE WORLD I JUST WANT TO GET OFF!!!!” You gotta love life!

Sit Down WithDoctor

Well, today was a very long, tiring, and depressing day. We started the day leaving to NYC at 7:30 am to make my doctors appointment for 10:00 (of course hit traffic and was late). Sat with my doctor who spent a good hour to two, going over my films for my breast, my blood test, sugars and kidneys, etc. He did not like the fact of the lump and wanted me to get an MRI of my breast (had them squeeze me in later in the day – so we had stick around till 4:00 pm – which was nice to get it done, but horrible waiting, especially not feeling well). As for the kidney’s and the terrible swelling of ankles and eyes, he was not happy with that either….wants me to meet with the surgeon who removed my pancreas to see what he thinks and made an appointment for next Saturday with a heart specialists…thinks that besides my kidneys the swelling could be result of possible heart issues, Dr Castro is so great, he really takes the time with me…he is always to look for the best route to take to keep me alive and give me a better quality of life – Dan and I both trust him – (OMG what else – I am so done, I told Dan, I do not want to do this anymore….But being the eternal optomist that he is…..His reply was come on baby just think of all the fun you would miss in Saint Maarten)…So we had lunch in the city, which was really nice – I love being in the city with Dan, we love to sit and people watch and make up stories about the people we are watching. We had fun and killed time (was very irritable and am sorry for that but Dan understands that)and I went for the MRI on my breast – that was when all hell broke out. First of all it was a long test and no one told me it involved contrast and IV…which the guy (with all those women there the man did the test….he killed me with the IV and the way I had to lay in tube for the imaging was awkward position and uncomfortable)…besides being longer than usual, Dan said he was freaking out, he was pacing the waiting room and finally asked to use the bathroom to get in the back area, He started checking all the examining rooms to find me – (lucky he did not get thrown out) he said had a bad feeling. He was right on his feeling – He found me in the waiting area outside examine room, not looking good….my sugar had dropped down to 26 – of course I didn’t feel it and was out of it….after about 10 sugar pills stuffed down my throat I was able to walk out, whereupon Dan raced to get me a Snapple Mango ( should be a spokewoman for Snapple…It works the best for sugar lows!,Think Snapple would pay me? We could you the money!)….which got me to a state that we were able to eat and walk back to the car…..It was a very expensive day in the city, nerve racking for Dan and just plain depressing for me. What else could go wrong. I am so done, with feeling like crap, looking like a swollen creature and causing Dan so much heartache( not that he acts like I do! I don’t know how he does that?). Anyway, enough of my venting…Going to get meals ready for tomorrow, Dan’s parents and pray for some good news from the doctor on my lumpy friend….hopefully. Good nite world, had enough for now.