Over the past few weeks I have gotten a lot of emails about how does my insurance cover things for me, financially how do we do it, and how does the money problems and health problem effect my marriage. It is a daily struggle. I’m lucky I have someone who doesn’t understand the word lay down or give up! I don’t know how I would do this on my own. I think if you are on your own you need to have friends and family to help out or it will over whelm you. And even with having someone like Dan by your side, it eats you up and kills you, slowly….(Dan would be so mad at for saying this but it is true……We are drowning ….just together).
The doctor wants me to go back on a pump, not the pump I was on, but a new one that lets me take smaller amounts of insulin. This new pump is also the only one on the market that has a sensor that goes with it. So the left side of your stomach has a pump on it and the right side has a sensor that tells the left side if my sugars are getting to high or to low, and then you adjust the pump to either give more or stop giving insulin…… (there for having more control to prevent lows, highs and damaging seizures). The doctor says that a regular diabetic uses the pump as choice to make life easier for them, but I need to use it to try and keep me from having this many seizures. Well, Dan has been working on the laptop all morning seeing if my insurance will pay for the pump,sensors and supplies….It doesn’t look like they will pay for it all. And I know it is killing him inside, he looks so depressed. I think this is going to be just like last time, they will say I don’t need the sensors. When you have something wrong with you, that is not common and becomes very upsetting. This is not a good thing at all, because your insurance doesn’t understand your needs and really does not care. The last time we went thru this, Dan spent days upon days fighting and appealing the insurances declines. I feel so bad that I am such a burden on us financially….Its bad enough that our income is Zero when I’m sick and Dan can’t get out and work, but it makes me feel even worse when I know we can’t pay our bills and Dan wants me to get the medical devises and monthly supplies that insurance does not cover. Dan, always says for me not to worry that stress is bad for me, well stress is bad for him too! And I worry about him most all. We earn income between his real estate, the race horses and his websites. So today, and this kills me inside and just want to cry….. I heard him on the phone telling the trainer to sell all the horses….This is a temporary fix to pay bills now, but next month it hurts because we loose the weekly income checks…. He has put his websites up for sale, and again in the long run a bad thing; besides it kills me for he has worked so hard on building them. People have been patient and waited for Dan to see them this week to list there homes …so he is putting 5 homes on the market this week, he only lost 2 people who didn’t want to wait. Thank god for that, but they still have to sell before there is any money coming in and then Dan loves his car and kept real low miles on it….something just loved. I heard him telling someone yesterday that he is getting rid of it. I hate seeing him loosing everything to pay some bills and try and get new pump, the devices, and have enough money to pay for monthly supplies. I feel like a burden on him, it is not fair, it is bad enough he can’t have a normal life without taking care of me, but now I feel even worse and deeply sadden that I’m financial ruining him too. It is just so unfair, he is a great person, works so hard for everything he has, and it is all going down the tubes. He deserves so much better, and that includes a someone better.
So to all the people who have emailed me and asked about how do we deal with all this financially, and how we go on; I hope this gives you some insight and lets you know that your not alone or the only one who has to fight with insurance and deal with trying to keep your house, cars and pay bills……All I can say to you is if you are going thru the same thing, I understand your fears, frustration and pain. I laugh when the doctors says to me – try to avoid getting stressed “it does not help matters , and will make your situation worse. ” Well HELLO, NO SHIT!!! how can you not be stressed and sick, where does the money come from……it does not grow in my yard……we have to work hard and always will….nothing is easy for us (and that is okay – we don’t mind working – God how I wish I could - it just really sucks!!!!!
For those that don’t have these worries, be grateful and I am truly happy for you and may you always be so fortunate…..And for those who have these worries, it is disheartening, stressful and so unfair. All I can say is I am sorry. It’s easier to give up then fight and most people won’t blame you if you did. The biggest thing I hate to hear when I see someone is when they say ” Hang in there Kris, It will get better!” or “Your a fighter, you will get thru this” or the worst!, ” You’ll be better soon” You just wish they would say nothing rather then telling you lies to make themselves feel better! People have a hard time understanding that not all things get better some just get worse…….And they do, we are proof. Well, I am done venting…..but you now know, why I wish Dan would not save me, I am really not being selfish, just realistic.
My wish – that my dollar and my dream comes true – win the lottery, get update in my bills, be current, get the meds I need, repay those that have helped in the past, give Dan back what he deserves (a less stressed,therefore healthier me and the things he given up), and most of all to help others like us…..which I know would make Dan and I both happy…..to give back……..THAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY AND COMPLETE. “It can’t hurt to dream – some day ! )