Things just seem to be getting worse, now Dan has no insurance…..he gave it up – so we could pay for the medical supplies. It is getting to the point that trying to have a positive attitude is getting harder and harder. I look into Dans eyes and all I see is stress and worry, I am so afraid that he is just going to explode. Well the day is crappy weather wise, and as for me and how I feel, don’t bother , I am ready for the day to be done and it just started. Just so worried what we are going to do.
I am sitting here, and all I want to do is cry……I am so scared and worried about everything, but most of all Dan. He is trying so hard to keep things together, but I think we are at the end. It kills me to see the saddness in his eyes. I think of all we have been through together, probably more bad things in the last 10 years together, then most experience in a life time, but there is only so much one can take. And I think we are at our end…….there is nothing left. Dan I am so sorry for all this.
I told Dan not to read my blog anymore, because I do not want to upset him…….so hopefully he listens to me for once, I do not want him to feel any worse than he already does. But just in case he does not listen to my request……………DAN, I AM SO SORRY FOR BEING A BURDEN TO YOU, I WISH MORE THAN ANYTHING I WAS NORMAL AND NOT SO SICK, AND COULD MAKE THINGS EASIER……..I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND TRULY THANKFULL YOU ARE MY HUSBAND.
Dan and I went in to the city to meet with the insulin pump specialist and then with the endo doctor. The pump that they want me to go on is the newest and the only one on the market that does what it does. Its as close to a mecanical pancreas as you can get today. You wear a sensor on one side of your stomach and the pump on the other side, whereupon the sensor then tells the pump every few minutes what your blood sugar is. You can then have it warn you up to 1/2 hour before a sugar low or high – alerting you that your going to have a problem so you have a chance to fix the problem before it occurs. It senses and predicts trends in your sugar and alerts you. My insurance might pay for the pump and part of supplies but the sensor system is probably not covered. The one infuser is $50 every 2 days the other is $50 every 3 days and then you have to buy the transmitter and so on and so on; plus you have to get everything in 3 month supplies. Right now I have to check my sugar every hour so that means I get up every hour thru the night plus it starting to effect the feeling my fingers – I have be doing this for 7 years. With the sensor I would only calibrate 2 times a day with a finger stick. Dan told the rep to see what the insurance company will pay for and what we would need to pay for, I told him to forget it. I keep telling him, what if We could get it and it does not work that well for me, it would be a waste, and even if it does work will….Its would be an additional bill every 3 months, plus the start up bill …. Which so expensive, No way….we are having a hard time now.
On the way home in the car the news had on the story about the polite man who robbed the 7 eleven and was caught. He said he needed the $300 to feed his family. Then they interview a man on the street who said “I have been thinking about doing the same thing for last few months,” he said he must have thought about it over 200 times. He went on to say he has cancer and can’t support his family anymore and if he did the robbery and then got caught, he would give the money to his family so they could buy what they needed and when he was caught, the prison system would pay for his cancer treatment. I looked over at Dan and he said ” Want to stop on the way home for a SLURPEE?” He has a way of making me laugh even when I don’t want to.
I’m worried about him he really doesn’t want to talk with anyone, see anyone, he is never quite and now he is. When we have dinner at night he is usually a chatter box, but of late he just tells me the meal taste great and thanks me for it, and thats about it. I feel like I am putting so much pressure on him and I’m starting to see it ware on him. When things got tough, I use to tell him, I would be happy living in a card box as long as I was with him, and it always made him smile, now I don’t get that smile, he just turns and walks away and says don’t worry I figure it out you don’t need the stress. It is killing me to see him like this, I miss the old him and us that could laugh at everything ……I just wish I was not the cause of his stress and could help or just make him smile….I want my old Dan…….And want him to know – I love him so much and know how much he wants to do the best for me……I keep telling him, I don’t need anything – all I need is him.
Posted in Doctors, Friends, Life, My Health, My Husband Dan
Tagged Blood Sugar, cargiver, Dan, dan Weixeldorfer, Daniel Weixeldorfer, Death, Diabetes, diabetic, Doctors, followkris.com, insulin, insulin pump, Kris Weixeldorfer, kristine weixeldorfer, Mahwah, Mahwah NJ, Pancreas, Weixeldorfer, www.followkris.com
The last few days have been nothing but running all over and crazy. The other night I got a call from the doctor/specialist (the one I missed the appointment), he had an opening on Thursday morning early….I was so excited to get in, excepted the appointment, and went to bed. Well, of course nothing goes smoothly with me…..I have another bad seizure (bad,bad) lasted to about 4:30-5:00 in the morning and I had to get up by 6:00….This was not good, I forced myself to get ready, I don’t know how I did it, but I did…I just wanted to die….I felt so sick and beat up…And poor Dan he was also running on no sleep. The good thing was the doctor was very nice, took about 2 hours to speak with me,he was very honest…said he did not have the answers and never had any one with so many situations…..but he was going to help the best he could…..So of course I had to go for blood test….and more test to come…..Did I expect anything else….just the same old thing ….but I have to be fair and give him an opportunity…..I JUST WANT TO FEEL BETTER….NO PAIN, NO SEIZURES, LAPS OF MEMORY…JUST SOMEWHAT NORMAL After the appointment went for lunch and people watched a little….but we were so tired just came home and took a nap. Ate dinner and went for a small walk and went to bed for the nite….
Didn’t sleep well at all..
Woke to a great day (weather wise….did errands, got blood test….went with Dan for his meeting with partners)….still feeling like crap….pain level is a consistant 10 for the last 2 days…
Posted in Doctors, Life, My Family, My Health, My Husband Dan, My Thoughts
Tagged Blood Sugar, diabetic, Doctors, Family, followkris.com, Health, Kris Weixeldorfer, Kris's blog, kristine weixeldorfer, Mood, Pancreas, Weixeldorfer
Well, I guess that saying “No news is good news ” is going to have to be true. Dan called my doctor and he said he would get back to him once he got the results (that he had a call into the lab, waiting for a call back and he was inbetween rounds and would call again before meeting with patients)….oh well. All I can do is wait, the story of my life….in the meantime, my sugars are high, taking more insulin,,,,maybe things are getting alittle more normal, now if I could get rid of the new pain in my lower back (right in my kidney area…keep drinking alot of water….still have kankles and puffy face….God, what does Dan see in me, all these imperfections and also being irritable. I am such a pleasure, how does he stand it, I can’t stand being around myself…poor guy.
I know he is trying to keep my mind off the results….wanted me to relax, lay on the deck, get sun, etc…anything to keep me busy and not to think about it. That is what I love about him, he always makes things fun and better. I am very lucky and I know he hates when I say it …..but I really am and I love him so much for it. (That is enough…when he reads this….I will have to be sitting across the street….I will not be able to fit in the same room – head will grow – LOL!!!!).
Hope to get a good nite sleep and the good streak will last….tomorrow is very busy…gotta to go with Dan on Home Inspection AND show alot of homes… do Market Analysis, etc… Get ready for Open House…..In other words “STOP THE WORLD I JUST WANT TO GET OFF!!!!” You gotta love life!
Posted in Doctors, Friends, Life, My Health, My Thoughts
Tagged diabetic, Doctors, followkris.com, Health, Kris Weixeldorfer, Kris's blog, kristine weixeldorfer, Mood, Pancreas, Weixeldorfer
Well, today was a very long, tiring, and depressing day. We started the day leaving to NYC at 7:30 am to make my doctors appointment for 10:00 (of course hit traffic and was late). Sat with my doctor who spent a good hour to two, going over my films for my breast, my blood test, sugars and kidneys, etc. He did not like the fact of the lump and wanted me to get an MRI of my breast (had them squeeze me in later in the day – so we had stick around till 4:00 pm – which was nice to get it done, but horrible waiting, especially not feeling well). As for the kidney’s and the terrible swelling of ankles and eyes, he was not happy with that either….wants me to meet with the surgeon who removed my pancreas to see what he thinks and made an appointment for next Saturday with a heart specialists…thinks that besides my kidneys the swelling could be result of possible heart issues, Dr Castro is so great, he really takes the time with me…he is always to look for the best route to take to keep me alive and give me a better quality of life – Dan and I both trust him – (OMG what else – I am so done, I told Dan, I do not want to do this anymore….But being the eternal optomist that he is…..His reply was come on baby just think of all the fun you would miss in Saint Maarten)…So we had lunch in the city, which was really nice – I love being in the city with Dan, we love to sit and people watch and make up stories about the people we are watching. We had fun and killed time (was very irritable and am sorry for that but Dan understands that)and I went for the MRI on my breast – that was when all hell broke out. First of all it was a long test and no one told me it involved contrast and IV…which the guy (with all those women there the man did the test….he killed me with the IV and the way I had to lay in tube for the imaging was awkward position and uncomfortable)…besides being longer than usual, Dan said he was freaking out, he was pacing the waiting room and finally asked to use the bathroom to get in the back area, He started checking all the examining rooms to find me – (lucky he did not get thrown out) he said had a bad feeling. He was right on his feeling – He found me in the waiting area outside examine room, not looking good….my sugar had dropped down to 26 – of course I didn’t feel it and was out of it….after about 10 sugar pills stuffed down my throat I was able to walk out, whereupon Dan raced to get me a Snapple Mango ( should be a spokewoman for Snapple…It works the best for sugar lows!,Think Snapple would pay me? We could you the money!)….which got me to a state that we were able to eat and walk back to the car…..It was a very expensive day in the city, nerve racking for Dan and just plain depressing for me. What else could go wrong. I am so done, with feeling like crap, looking like a swollen creature and causing Dan so much heartache( not that he acts like I do! I don’t know how he does that?). Anyway, enough of my venting…Going to get meals ready for tomorrow, Dan’s parents and pray for some good news from the doctor on my lumpy friend….hopefully. Good nite world, had enough for now.
Posted in Doctors, Friends, Life, My Health
Tagged diabetic, Doctors, followkris.com, Health, Insurance, Kris Weixeldorfer, Kris's blog, kristine weixeldorfer, Pancreas, Weixeldorfer
Well, spent the Day in the City at the doctor – Dr. Castro for Dan and myself. I love him….he always takes so much time with me and Dan……He wants Dan to have more test done on his heart for blockages and as for me…what can he really say…more test and monitor the situation…watch the liver and kidney levels…nothing gets better.
Raced home from city for ballot selection for Dan’s campaign….he picked 5……good thing with his long last name, he will still stand out. Then when to office and then came home and made dinner…….Dan’s favorite….fish/cod and spinach and salad….was good. Then went to council/budget meeting. Went to support Dan as he asked the council some questions…..but the meeting was running late…I was very disappointed in myself, because I couldn’t be there, when He asked his questions….I am sure Dan caused some fear with his apponents ( I think I spelt that right)…..waiting for him to come home and fill me in…..I wish I could of stayed just felt so sick, my sugar was high and my stomach was killing me….I am going to lay down and wait for him….I told him to wake me, if I am asleep when he comes home…..I am so proud of him….I know he will do well and I hope all his hard work gets him a seat on the council.
Posted in Doctors, Friends, Life, My Family, My Health, My Husband Dan, My Thoughts
Tagged Blood Sugar, diabetic, Doctors, followkris.com, Health, Kris Weixeldorfer, Kris's blog, kristine weixeldorfer, Pancreas, Weixeldorfer