Tag Archives: Diabetes

New Pump, New Day, And New Attitude

Today was a big day, I went into the city to be trained on the new pump.  I was already exhausted before the day has even started.  I had another real bad low – seizure, it started around 1:00 pm and I finally went to sleep around 3:30; poor Dan did not get to sleep until 4:30 (stayed up to make sure I was stable) and then we had to get up at 7:00 and out of the house around 9:00.  We ran around most of the morning and afternoon – did errands and Dan had work to accomplish before heading into the city for my doctors appointment.  The training was a long process, they also put a glucose sensor (not expecting that – another device inserted on the other side of my stomach) to monitor the sugars while getting the amounts of insulin   administered  and the reactions, the dosages, highs, lows etc……a computerized print out.  I have to keep the monitor on until next week.  I am amazed that I was able to go the whole day running, overcome the multiple lows and seizure from the night before……kept going after the side effects, shakey, aches and pains,etc and made it home without collapsing, the doctor/training appt did not end until 10:00 pm and did not get home till   10:45.  Then  I had to make lunch and dinner for the next morning to bring to Dan’s parents.

My sugars are all over right now – adjusting and I am not use to having all these devices and tubes hanging on me.  My sides are killing me – I have to get use to it.  But it is better than giving myself the shots (10-15 injections- plus finger pricking of 20 times) now it is just one big pain on my side – which is the pump (change every 2 days) and the finger pricks.  I have to be happy about that……I just hope this helps……………I know I will never get better, but this will lessen the pain in my arms and legs (where I give the injections – now they are so sore – doing this every day for the last 6-7 years)……It has to be better – New attitude.  Yes – Positive thinking. 

Wed:

It was a long day, just got home from Dan’s parents…..God, Dan is such a good person, wonderful son (they are so lucky to have such a loving and caring son) and most of all the absolutely best husband in the  world…..and I truly mean that.  I can not express how lucky and greatful I am…………..Thank you baby, you are my rock and I love you to death….this may sound corny and I may say it all the time…..I don’t care – I can not say it enough.  You complete me.  I love you so much!!!

On this note – I am going to bed…..I will start my new attitude tomorrow .

What A Weekend

You know that old saying  “When shit happens, it really happens”  well, this weekend was one of those weekends.   It started early Saturday morning, I got up and Dan was still in bed, when I heard this loud,  tumbling sound in my  bedroom, I came running into the room, I thought something happened to Dan.  He was okay – just laying there with a look on his face, I asked him what was that noise, and he just pointed to my closet (a big 10ft closet).   Yes, my total closet had collapsed – everything had fallen off the walls, so bad I could not even get the door open.  So now all  the work I just did – rearranging the closet for change of seasons was a complete waste.   So Dan and I laughed (he teased and laughed – I wanted to cry, especially because this chore is my lease favorite one) we got dressed and headed to Home Depot to repair my closet,,,,,,In the back of my mind  – I had this big fear the other 8ft closet was next to go….So we decided to redo both of them (and a good thing – it was minutes from tearing from the wall).  So  that is what we did all weekend, and then we went for power walks for one hour each day, got plenty of fresh air, Dan did all the mulching, and I continue to do my weekend chores, and cooking.   I had several lows, one which was scary  for me, Dan was outside mulching and I dropped down to 29 and just could not get myself together to get help - it took me about 35 minutes to pull myself together and manage to get to Dan..  This reallly scared the hell out of me.  I was so sweaty and  disoriented,,,,,,I can not even tell you what I did before or during……not much , because I am still doing my closets.  Since that low, I have had a terrible headache that will not go away and my stomach is constantly upset, everything I eat hurts.  It just sucks!!!  I feel I am in slow motion.

Today,  started a new week, I still have the symptoms from the last bad sugar low.  I do not get it, my sugar is all over and I just feel so off.  I find myself coming out of lows that I did not know were happening and when I catch them- I can not recall what I was doing before.  I really  feel like I am loosing my mind completely – I am afraid to speak at times – because I have a hard time finding the words to express my thoughts…..not to mentioned feeling miserable mentally, physically, and appearance – forget that – another mess; between my face being puffy,  eyes tearing……the word UGLY fits.  But I guess I should not complain – as people tell me, you are alive……my answer – great,   be me for a couple of days, or even one and see how lucky you  feel.   I am sorry – I am just venting.  Tomorrow will be better I hope……..going to be trained on new pump.

A Terrible Feeling Of Fear

I woke this morning and I have had this haunting feeling of fear and depression (not to mention my normal aches and pains).  I guess the weather is not helping, it is dreary and the thunder is roaring loud , and it is pouring outside cats and dogs.  I am looking out the window, listening to Dan talk to clients, trying to solve problems with their real estate deals, and them complaining about situations in their lives, little things.  I sit here and think, what if they were in our situation.  I mean we have people complaining to us that something like their dog peaed on the floor, or they have to hang a picture, etc……..the world is coming to end for them,   SHIT – LISTEN TO  YOURSELVES,  if that is a problem, I will take it in a heartbeat. 

What would they do if they were in our shape……having no savings or money to pay bills, due to the  constant medical issues – which will never end,  lack of business because real estate is slow,  worried about loosing our house, lack of health insurance for Dan, etc….I could go on, but we keep going and we never let on.  God I just want jump into on-coming traffic if I could get the nerve too.  I know we all have problems, and they are big to us,  but believe me they are really not that bad……there is others that have it worse……be thankful for what you have and especially if you have your health.  That is the key, without it, life really does suck, the pain, worries and side-effects are always haunting and diablilitating.   Trust me, I know.   I guess I am just venting,  I am frustrated and tired of struggling and seeing my rock, beating himself up trying.  We just never get a break – even a little one.   I thought putting this into words would make me feel a little better emotionally – well it didn’t…….I think I have depressed myself even more.  Well that really sucked, this writting is suppose to help me - Good job Kris.

The Small Things That Matter

Had a nice relaxing evening so far……made dinner for Dan and my sister Erika came over to just hang out with us (chicken with  rice and salad)    We then all watched the movie  on cable “The Hangover”  it is a great movie, Dan and I saw it before, Erika never did……it was fun,  had us laughing from the beginnning to end…..Bradley Cooper is just eye candy… yummy for the eyes…….It was a real nice evening….I had a sugar low (caught before my sister got to the house) but it was a pleasure after last night…..I accomplished  watching the whole movie without a problem and remembering what I saw is a good thing….now I hope to get thru the night into the morning….. busy day ahead.  Got all the winter clothes out of the drawers and closets ….yes, I am on a role, now to pack them away and put summer out.  Good night I hope!

Holy Crap – Major Melt Down

I woke this morning not knowing where I was or how I got to bed, the last thing I remember was going for a walk with Dan.  I had a real bad sugar low, then seizure and Dan manage to stabilize me.   So when I got home from my walk  I went to write  on my blog,  I realize that I definitely had a problem, as my last entry shows……Holy Crap – I am so embarrassed, not only do I not remember the whole evening from the walk on, my brain had a major melt down, as you can see on my last entry.  I don’t remember writing, and my typing/spelling  as well as thought process was shot…..Don’t ask me what I was trying to say.  

This is why the  new sensor they came out with  is so important……it would detect a pattern in  my sugar moving in the wrong direction up to 45 min. in advance of me having a problem and set an alarm off so I could get sugar into me and turn pump off…….now I don’t even feel it coming on ( I use to)……and if I do it is to late cause I can’t express it.  I feel so stupid and mad writing the way I did last night on here…….All I can say is I am sorry.  I should just paste  a sign on my back “I am sorry in advance”.

Well, I can not change things…..just move on and hope another episode does not take place today and I get a days break. It’s the back to back one that really do damage to my brain. Dan is even more upset then me because he feels bad when he can’t catch it in time. Now he is telling me that he is going to get that sensor one way or another in the next month or so. I reminded him that the sensor is a one time fee  and the supplies are what will just be another monthly bill we don’t need or can afford.  Well….. I have  a lot to do, weekend cleaning and chores, change over clothes from winter to summer (how I hate that job), run errands with Dan,  and try to keep a smile my on face,  when all I want to do is cry with my head pounding ( I will have that for the next few days after a seizure).  Oh well, better get started. One of our friends told Dan and I about a neighbor that killed herself the other day by sitting in the car with it running and the garage door shut. Dan felt so bad for the woman that she had no other choice but to do that…….I felt good for the woman because I know how it feels to not want to be around any longer and be a financial burden on my family.  Why should Dan loss everything  he worked so hard for in life and have suck a stress daily life? I was jealous of the woman who ended it all.

Exercise

Dan and I went for a walk tonight and now I’m home and working out on the big ball doing m sit ups. I try ad do 250 in morning and 250 at nigt.  It’s one of the last few thgs I still candoon my own withouteeding Danaroud t watch m do ing it. I try and sty  shapasss much a can since the seizur breeac me dow       so muc.  I  nned to come back latte to talk more cause  not felin so good right now Idon’t wan to get hurt myself i need to stop  for th fathr rig yuuu o  well  ff  heshere now immgowant to wthhiim hope it ok soonn noplain

New Page & New Pictures

I asked Dan to put a new page on my blog, Contact Kris and Dan. This page gives our mailing address and phone number. I also put about 50 new picture of my family,friends and me………Hope you like them.

Feeling of Accomplishment

I woke today feeling real crappy – which is the normal.  But I had received two wonderful comments from my followers that made were the perfect medicine.  It made me feel a sense of accomplishment and self worth.  I finally felt like I had some purpose, even if it was small, it meant so much to me…….I just want to say Thank you to  Tara and Steven…….you brought a smile to my face…..thanks again.

Healthy meals can still taste good!

Whith the warm weather this week its good to get grill going. I need to eat alot of fish in my diet so here is a GREAT  recipe for grilled Salmon.

Ingredients

For Salmon:
4 skinless salmon fillets (6 ounces each)
1 teaspoon olive oil
1/2 teaspoon ground coriander
Coarse salt and ground pepper
For citrus sauce:
1/2 cup fresh orange juice
1/4 cup fresh lime juice
1 teaspoons sugar
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
2 tablespoons olive oil
Coarse salt and ground pepper

Directions

  1. Make citrus sauce: In a small skillet over high heat, boil 1/2 cup fresh orange juice and 1/4 cup fresh lime juice until reduced to 1/2 cup, 8 to 12 minutes.
  2. Remove from heat; whisk in 1 teaspoons sugar, 2 teaspoons Dijon mustard, and 2 tablespoons olive oil. Season with coarse salt and ground pepper. Set aside citrus sauce (makes about 3/4 cup).
  3. Prepare salmon: Heat grill to medium-high. Rub 4 skinless salmon fillets (6 ounces each) with 1 teaspoon olive oil. Sprinkle with 1/2 teaspoon ground coriander; season with coarse salt and ground pepper.
  4. Lightly oil grates; place salmon, skinned side up, on grill. Cover grill; cook 5 minutes. Turn fillets; cover, and cook until opaque throughout and flaky, about 4 minutes more. Serve salmon drizzled with citrus sauce. Dan and  I personally like to eat it over a fresh green salad.

 

Hope you enjoy it!

Of all the things I lost, It is my mind I miss the most!

Just an all around bad two days……. all of sudden I been having sugar lows left and right…….causing my body to ache as if I had a bad seizures and bad memory loss.  I have been trying to remember exactly what I did the last few days……and it seems impossible to put things into place or what exactly what I did.   Dan keeps trying to fill me in, I feel so stupid…..I am so scared.  I keep thinking  “What the hell am I going to be like when I am fifty,  if I am this bad now!”  I just  do not get it.  I eat right, do what I am suppose to do with my insulin injections…..It was nice for awhile,  I was going without any real bad lows or seizures, my memory and confidence was coming back, I felt more stable to talk around people – I knew what I was doing and if I was going low, I was able to catch it and manage it on my own; and then BAM!  I just want to crawl into a hole and die…..I am tired and don’t want to do this anymore- I want to get off the rollercoaster ride….Get off permanently!!!!! I AM SO DONE – JUST DON’T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE .  It makes me sick to think of what my life is going to be like – or what it will be like and I can’t remember it or miss things.    It is so unfair to Dan – he does not deserve this, he is a great guy and deserves so much more……..He did not sign on for this – I am stuck with the cards I was dealt…..he could hand his cards in.  I would not blame him if he did. 

Well enough of my venting……Going to make the best of today.  On that note, I say “Of all the things I lost, it is my mind I miss the most!!”