Woke this morning, the weather looks cloudy…..but the sun is fighting hard to come out and stay out…..it rained last night so it very muggy. Did my usual routine…..got a full workout in despite of my nagging headache and stomach pains. Looks like today is going to be a quite day…….planning to make my famous turkey tacos in lettuce wraps for dinner……I have not made them in a long time…..Light and healthy, and Dan really likes them ( God, I am making myself hungry just thinking about them….Is it 5:00 yet????). I plan on just relaxing tonite and go to bed early. I have to get up super early tomorrow for a doctors appointment in the city……to go over all the test results and discuss a plan of action. Not looking forward to this meeting……it is always the same old shit…..nothing is ever going to change……no matter how positive I try to stay…….it gets real old and very discouraging. But as I always say….It is what it is, and it could be worse.
Well the day has not ended and of course I had to have an issue….sugar low of 40….caught in time before having a major problem. Just one day…..now my nagging headache just got worse. Cannot wait for the day to over….so much for being positive……everything just changed…..good thing-the positive it was addressed before things went really bad.
Thank you all for the for the comments on here and on my facebook page. Your kind words, love, and support means a lot to me.
I just want to clarify something. My last blog entry ” Not Good” caused a lot of responses, which were not all positive. My blog seemed to cause concerns and stress to my family; which I did not intend to do and I am so sorry. I want my family and friends to understand why I write this blog. So here it is:
Everyday is a challenge for me in many ways. I am in constant pain, where I just want to curl up under a rock and die…..But I don’t. I get up everyday, put a smile on face and push myself to live for the moment. It is not easy having no control of what is going to happen, eventhough I may do everything right, my internal organs and blood sugar levels have there own agenda and this truly SUCKS!!!!!! It will never get better, there is no cure or fix. This has taken my independence away, it bothers me tremendously and very often makes myself esteem low. But I deal with it, and writing my thoughts and feelings on the blog helps me vent and share the pain, concerns and stress I feel, and to help others experiencing pain and sickness on a daily basis. And this also has a major impact on others, like my family, but most all Dan…..who has dedicated every moment to me and gets me thru everyday. He sacrifices a lot for me (as I do for him) to make our relationship work. We have altered our lives so we are there for each other. Unfortunately, Dan takes the brunt of following my wishes and it is not fair. He has been dealing with this responsibility of honoring my wishes for almost 13 years……and I think he has done a great job, I am still here and living……which I am forever grateful.
This blog is mine and my way of dealing with what life has dealt me…..and I know that my thoughts and feelings may not be what people want to hear, and I am sorry if that bothers them….but this is me and I hope everyone understands ….it is my way of dealing with the situation. I know a lot of people care and love me but they need to understand my wishes. I continue to live each day to the fullest.
Thank you for your understanding and supporting me.
I woke this morning and finally my heachache of 5 days has lessen…which is a positive thing…..now if my stomach would feel better I would be a happier camper, but I will be happy with this…..it is a good thing. I finally could do my workout completely and it felt good. Went into the office with Dan early this morning. Looks like it is going to be a quite, but long day.
Was sitting on the back porch of the office ….enjoying the nice breeze and the warmth of sun on my skin…..(I sit outside to get warm when the office is chilly….I am always cold), it feels so nice….making me count the days till our St. Maarten trip in November….can not wait!!!!!
I think after dinner tonight, (chicken thighs and cauliflower mash potatoes) we are going to go food shopping.
I woke up this morning and was ugly and raining out, a good day to stay in bed. Slept a little later than usual which was nice. I got up made Dan a nice breakfast, cleaned up, changed the sheets and towels, (the usual weekend routine)…..but was not able to really work out just my arms….still have a bad headache. It just will not go away, it take a few days after a seizure. Have a busy Sunday ahead….. Dan & I are covering for an agent and showing some houses to their client. So far my sugar levels have been more a little stable (a range of 40-350) and no seizures this weekend, this makes me happier. Don’t know if I mentioned in last post but my insulin pump broke when I was having all the lows in NYC by my doctors so Dan ordered a new one and it was shipped to the office the next morning before 10:00am and Dan set it up and I was wearing it by 11:00am. I have had a better weekend…..went to the pool yesterday, Dan and I just relaxed…..god knows it was needed after the last couple of days. Dan surprised me and took me to the movies to Wish I was here…..it was very good!…..of course I cried. Back to the doctor in NYC at end of week to go over all the tests and the results to me wearing the blood monitor for 7 days. Never very exciting getting the results because they really are just reports documenting my 10 year plus journey of living without a pancreas and the effects on my other organs.
Thursday was absolutely terrible day……I do not know where to begin…and my brain is not working well as a result of Thursday events, and I have my doctor calling me today to check me into the hospital, he is not happy with me because I will not go. I do not remember anything from yesterday except that while I was sitting in the car which was parked, waiting for Dan to come out of the courthouse….Some lady backed into the car and scrapped and dented his car…..of course I did not see this about to happen because I was looking down texting on my phone. Dan was not happy with the lady at all but never showed that to her and treated her very nice…..then we moved on. From there we went into the city to drop the monitor off at the doctors and from that point on I do not remember anything……and it was a nightmare for Dan. Apparently, my sugar dropped to a 35…..so he got me to a restaurant and had me sit there and drink a large glass of pinapple juice, and ate a chicken caesar salad with pita bread…. he got me back to where I could walk back to the car….near the doctors office, sugar came up to 60. Dan got me in the car, checked my sugar….it was dropping again 45…..luckily the doctors nurse was out side and saw us and ran in to the office to get me heavy duty glucose to drink….(which normally brings a person sugar up at least 100 points, instead it was at 39 again and dropping)….I drank more, but my doctor wanted me to go directly to hospital…..but I did not want to go….So Dan sat with me in the parked car outside the doctors office for 2 hours I could not walk or talk. Finally, it went up a little, so we went home against Dan’s wishes (he wanted me to go to hospital). Dan got me into the house, I was shakey and out of it…I laid down and then it got worse….I had back to back seizures, Dan could not get my sugar up it was staying in the twenties…I was unconscious and having a hard time breathing….(Dan said at several times he thought I stopped breathing)…. Dan never panics (he is the person you want with you if all hell breaks loose) but he was starting to get real nervous he told me later… Dan then did something he never really has done in 10 years of taking care of me when this happens to me a few nights a week, he asked someone to help him. One of the agents in the office was calling him on his cell to get a real estate question answered and he asked her if she was in area could she stop over. He needed to be able to get more emergency kits out of car and around house and couldn’t leave me alone plus need help moving me and keeping me safe while he got supplies to test my sugar. So she came over right away to help. Dan said she was in a little shock seeing how bad this really gets and couldn’t believe I go thru this every week. With her help Dan could run around house and car to get supplies and she could help hold me up as he tried to pour drinks down my throat or give me shots.When sugar didn’t move up he called the doctor on his cell he wanted to go directly to the hospital in the city, but my doctor said I might not make the 45 minute drive so go to Valley in NJ till I was stable and then be transferred to the city). It was a big mess, Dan was very upset….because I made him promise me I would not go to the hospital anymore…..my direct orders!… so Dan tried his best to get me stable this went on for several hours, him trying to feed me glucose by just pouring down throat and injecting me with emergency glucose injections. Dan told me later he wanted to get me stable enough to get me in the car to go into the hospital in NYC Lennox Hospital where my doctor is the head of Endocrinology even though he promised me he wouldn’t do that. If I ended up in a local hospital they would not know how to treat me since I’m that rare not having a pancreas and all the other missing parts and issues. Well what he was doing worked and I started to come back and I could drink a little which was helpful. He told me the next day that I was begging him to let me go and that I didn’t want to do this anymore. He is use to seeing and hearing me do this but having a friend in the room helping him with me hear and see that was very upsetting to her. He said she got very emotional and had to leave the room. I know Dan, he hates to ask for help and he must have hated to put someone thru this experience with him. Well for the funny part, The next day I told Dan I heard voices talking to me last night. He said what were they saying? I said a girl was saying I was beautiful….I then asked if he had someone help him with me. He smiled and started to laugh and said it would figure you never remember anything when this happens but you remember this. He went on to tell me that when I was coming to I recognized there was someone from the office holding my hand and I said ” Oh my I can’t believe you are seeing me look this way and my house must be a mess” Dan said all she said is you look beautiful! He couldn’t believe that with all that was being done and said to me over a 6 hour period the only thing I remember was that I got up the next morning ando Dan made me breakfast and he did laundry and we went to work on time 8:30. I was so glad to be able to thank the agent at the office who helped me and apoligize for having her see all that stuff. Well this has taking me 2 days to write since I am having trouble with words, thoughts and typing. So I will stop writing for now and hope this weekend I don’t have anymore big setbacks. Sorry for spelling errors and bad grammar but this is the best I have today!!! lol
I woke this morning extra early, because I had to go into the office with Dan but first drop off the Hummer to the dealership to have some work done, before he went to work. After dropping the truck off, we then went to get Dan’s blood work done 8:00am. (Finally – he was only suppose to have gone in December 2013). While at the office, I logged in to make an entry on my blog (this where I am upset….to find the entry I made yesterday was gone it was there earlier and now it is completely gone…..how is this possible? I am so pissed and very unhappy. It took me so long to put together my thoughts yesterday…I wasted all that time.
I got up very early this morning to make Dan breakfast, he had an early appointment to meet the Section 8 inspector in Hackensack. I thought I would get an earlier start on my workout, but due to very bad pains in my stomach I was only able to workout my arms…..so pissed that I had to give into the pain…..I just could not do my stomach, besides I am so afraid the monitor is going pull out. And if that happens I will really be upset……doing all this for nothing and have to start again……so I will just wait till Thursday and start doing my crunches on the ball then.
I have decided to make another attempt to work on DocuSign for the hundredth time…..and with determination and positive thoughts,,,I will be successful. Well, maybe not……I have been making several attempts and just not going anywhere. I feel like such a waste today……the pains in my stomach are so consuming, my brain feels like it is going to explode. I am trying to be positive and smiling…….but all I want to do is cry. I am so frustrated……I could scream. As the day goes by, I find myself becoming more depressed……This scares me and I definitely hate being this way.
Slept late this morning……It was nice for a change…to lay in bed and not be jumping out of bed in a rush to be somewhere. It’s beautiful out, sunny with a few cotton ball clouds in bright blue sky. Made a nice breakfast for Dan, cleaned up, changed the sheets and towels, did two Loads of Laundry, dusted furniture and vacumed all by 12:00 noon. Hopped into the shower and got ready before Dan got home……although I feel like usual (shitty….bad stomach pains) I am happy I got all this done. We are going to Dan’s sisters house in CT, for a BBQ for our nephew Daniels birthday……..we have not seen them in a while…..should be fun…….I know Dan is excited to see his family. It is a nice ride, especially when it is so nice out and we are taking the convertible…..it will be fun and we will get lots sun.
I got up early this morning to make Dan Breakfast……He had to meet an inspector in Hackensack for Section-8 between 8:30 and 9:30 ,and had to take care of some things in the office. So I cleaned up after breakfast and attempted to workout, but due to bad headache I was only able to do my arms……the monitor hurts when I do the crunches on the ball ( I cannot wait to get thing off….so uncomfortable when I do anything.) I then got showered and ready so when Dan gets home we can start rolling. We have a lot of errands to run……go food shopping, etc…….try to get everything done early so we have the evening to relax…..besides the day is very cloudy…not good pool weather.
I feel bad for Dan….he got up early to meet the inspector and sat down there waiting for him to find out there was a miscommunication of the appointment…..it was for Monday morning not today…..so now he has to go back down there Monday morning….which stinks for him. But on a positive side…….we got an early start on things that need to get done. Now if my head and stomach would cooperate things would be good…..NOT! Can not hurt to ask.