Monthly Archives: January 2013

Happy Hump Day

Thank god for the Happy in Happy Hump Day……because there is nothing happy about today. It is so ugly out…..grey, dreary and foggy, and the temperature is starting to drop again and it keeps raining on and off. I hate days like this…….makes me more depressed. I am definitely a sunny, warm, blue waters and island type of girl. I am always just so happy, in St Maarten…..Even when I am not feeling well there……just a great environment/world. I definitely would want to retire there, or lease live there 3-4 months out of the year at a time.

Just got off the phone with my mother……she was all upset. My father and her were driving into town when there car broke down and would not start back up…….which is not a good sign since they were planning to drive out here on Monday to visit us and help Kathleen. They do not know what is wrong with the car, besides the obvious, the car is just “old”. I was worried about them driving across the country, in the winter weather, their age – not fifty any more….and now this. As much as I want to see them and miss them…….I am/was so worried about them driving here and going back home. So now everything is in the air, whether they will come or not….and if they do…..I will be so worried/ a reck until they get here and get back. Another thing to worry about and stress about.

Something is missing

Something is definitely missing in my life.
Yes, I have a wonderful husband who I love with all my heart……and my health is horrible and is what it is, and is not going to get better. I am thankful that Dan is so understanding and willing to make the necessary sacrifices in his life to compensate for my health issues, but it does not feel good living everyday, or should I say existing.
I sometimes wish it would all end, it would be better for all parties involved. I feel like I do not have any value…….no purpose. I try to have a positive outlook everyday, but it is always put to a quick end with this terrible feeling that never goes away. Going from being independent and free willed, to a prisioner of the world I live in now; which I am suppose to be thankful for, is really depressing and sad. It kills me not being able to work, from being a top realtor, which I loved doing, to being a nobody……..there is just nothing to look forward to………I go where I am told…..I have to act the way I am expected too, and I am told how I should feel; that I should be grateful I am alive……my answer to that is Bullshit!! I am not my own person…….I am what everyone wants me to be, I hate feeling this way……it is eating me up inside……I pretend to be happy and just want to stop it all.

I thought that by venting I would feel a little better. But the feelings are still there, and seemed to magnified…..which is scary.

I just want to go home, crawl into bed and go to sleep, but of course I cannot just leave……I need to be wait till it is time to go.

Getting old……just so depressing

This weekend was very busy…..
Saturday, I did the usual errands and chores……cleaned the house, changed the bedding, did laundry and food shopped. I prepared dinner and went to the movies with Dan to see PARKER with Jennifer Lopez… was actually very good, and Dan was in his glories…He just loves Jennifer. We saw an early movie, which was good, so I was able to come home and make the meals for Sunday, going to his parents – which I am not looking forward to but, he has not seen them in 2-3 weeks, and he is looking forward to it.

Sunday, we got up early and I made a nice breakfast, cleaned up, and got ready for the journey to South Jersey, I felt sick to my stomach…..more than usual….probably just nerves and anxiety (seems to be the case everytime I go to see them, and I know Dan is also uneasy – but he will never admit it.) The ride was not bad….at least there was no traffic. And then the fun began……we had to eat lunch right away…..everything is a rush,,,,,,the yelling started (Dan’s mother yelling at his father and her arguing with Dan; it is just so unpleasant to be there……and I sit in the corner not saying a word – because they can’t hear me so you have to scream or I am being critized for something by his mother, which then makes everything tense,,,,,,especially between Dan and I, because he is always nervous there will be a blow out between me and his mom. So I try not to say anything ….to keep peace and let Dan do all (the list of things his mom has for him or just let him devote the day to them)…..But then Dan gets mad at me, because I am not being social – I never win,,,,,,This is all the time and why I hate going there……I wish it was not the case, but it is and it sucks. Their time is limited….Life is too short to have all this negativity and horrible memories and feelings.

I must say Dan is a wonderful son…..he has the patience of a saint and puts up with so much crap…..his mother just argues, yells, or belittles him… just makes me so sad and upset, she is never satisfied or thankful…….I know she is old, but his father is 3 years older and is just such a pleasure. I find it amazing that Dan is the man he is…….so nice and loving, despite being treated so terrible like this by his mother his whole life……it just kills me and makes me sick to my stomach, ( I know if he reads this – he will be very upset with me, but I have to vent……I cannot keep it inside like he does………..It hurts me deep inside to see such a good and loving man, be constantly mistreated all the time. I hate it!!!! Needless to say, it will take me until his dad’s bithday to recover……he will be 90 on February 19th…..he wants to go to AC for a couple hours…..Dan would move the Moon for his Dad… that will be the next time we will be going down there. I have time to prepare.

Today, Monday is a big day for Dan. He is signing a big agent from Coldwell Banker……..I can tell he is anxious. But I keep telling him he is good/great at what he does…..”You will do find and I am so proud of you…….I am your biggest fan and love you.” I know I will get in trouble for saying this too……”you are being to sappy,etc……but I am entitled to my opinion and it is my blog…….so if I am offensive, “I am sorry.”

I just want to go home…….not feeling so good. I feel like the weather, horrible…..just feeling very depressed too.

Friday, friday

TGIF = another cold day, and I still cannot get warm.
Today, Dan and I got a nice surprise from our dear friend Steve of Nagoya…..he made us lunch and delivered it to the office. Sushi, yum. It was so good……Steve is a good friend, him and his wife Sandy are just truely great people…….they are so loving and sincere. I love when I listen to Dan and Steve talk……when they talk Chinglish…….it is so funny. Steve has such an infectious laugh…….you can not help to smile….I just love him!!!!!

Just cannot get warm

Well, so much for hoping to feeling better, since it is a new day. NOT Happening. I woke feeling just as bad as yesterday, more scattered in my thoughts due to a bad sugar low before leaving the office last night, and the chill has taken a permanent residency in my body. No matter what I do, I cannot get warm……it is so frustrating….I could jump out of my skin. I need to be in Paradise where there is only blue skies, lots of sun, warmth in the air and beautiful waters……soon, another day closer.

Not much exciting happening…….pretty much a boring day. Just waiting for Dan to finish his day at the office, and I will go home and make dinner. I plan on making Salmon for dinner and vegetables. After I clean up, ….I will do the usual routine….making the meals for the next day, try to work out….and get into pj’s and relax……..keep warm.
Pretty much a boring life……..I wish I could do something of some importance…..I feel like I am just existing……I want to have a purpose. I want to be able to have some meaning in life.

Burrrr it is cold out there!!!!

It is absolutely freezing outside……just plain miserable…..but at lease the sun is shining and it is not snowing. I just feel terrible…..I have a very bad headache and stomach ache….just dragging my ass and all I want to do is sleep….my thoughts are very scattered and I do not feel myself. I hate when I feel more worse than usual…..I am not a happy camper. I just want to put my pj’s on ….my warm fuzzy socks…..crawl under the blankets in my bed or make a nice little spot on the couch and vegetate. I hoping that this will pass and tomorrow I will feel better and have more energy…….cause the last two days have just been awful, I hate complaining, but I really feel like shit. And to top it off, I now have a chill…I cannot get warm….sitting in the car with my fur coat on and the seats heated to max is just not cutting it. I keep telling myself , soon, (keep in the back of your mind,,,,,,10 months…..and Dan and I can go back to our second home…….St. Maarten……Our Paradise). Until then I have to think of things to make me happy and to entertain myself. At least I have my parents coming to visit in a couple weeks ,,,,,,,,I can not wait to see them.

Last night the office won 7 dollars in the lottery…….God, I wish would just win once…..I would love to take my share and just help people,,,,after I took care of my family. I would love to feel the charge and the happiness within to know I made a difference in life. Well, until the next drawing… dream lives on.


Getting there!

Well, we are getting there. Dan and I managed to tear both bathrooms apart for a complete/heavy duty cleaning from top to bottom…Every looks so pretty and sparkley…Thank God that is done….I hate cleaning bathrooms…..probably because I always do them on a regular basis. All the other rooms are quick and easy……except maybe the kitchen and the linen closet…..forgot about that one.

This weekend was very busy as usual…..It seems like there is never enough hours in a day to get everything done. Was able to get my nails done and food shop. We did achieve our goal……whoooHooo (Dan and I saw 100 movies this year!!!!!! The final – 100th Movie…..Final stand (it was actual pretty good) and 99 was Broken City which was very good…..I like Marc as an actor. We still have till Jan 31……..I say we see a total of 103 for the year!!!!!!

I am also excited to find out that my parents are coming to visit next week…..they are coming to see my sister Kathleen (well us all) but they are really coming to help her recover from her surgery……they will be staying by her, Marcos and the twins…..I can not wait to see them……hopefully we can spend some time with them…….I know they are mainly are here to spend time with the twins and my sister. I hope it is a good trip for them, they get here safely, their trip is happy and there is no drama and everyone gets along. I think they are going to be here for 2-3 weeks……I am just so happy I will get to see them…..I hate that they live so far away.

Today is so slow….it is just dragging…….my head is slamming and my stomach is very upset. I cannot wait to get home….make dinner, clean up,,,,,make tomorrow’s meals, work out and finally crawl into bed and say good nite. Tonight is Monday, right? Oh, whooohoooooo the bachelor is on…..should be interesting……that show is so stupid and filled with drama……it is sad but true….it is entertaining in a scary way.

Big weekend ahead

Well today is the beginning to a big cleaning weekend. This weekend is going be reserved strictly for cleaning the house from top to bottom, everything will be taken out and cleaned / dusted, and put away it in the right place. I cannot wait to get it all done…..I love when the house is spot less…….it definitely affects my mood. I cannot stand when things are not inorder. Tonite we have to go food shopping, since I did not go last night due to a bad sugar low……I cannot tell you how bad or what happened……because I do not remember anything…….I spent all morning trying to remember who I spoke too and what I said or did last night……..another half a day lost……..I hate my life sometimes… just really sucks.
Hopefully, I can get food shopping done, make a nice salmon dinner and if all goes well……Dan and I will squeeze in a movie.
It is Friday and it is our Date night……even though ever day is date night with Dan…..we are now at 99 movies…..just two more (which we looking to achieve this weekend)!!!!!!
But most of all…..I am just looking forward to sleeping an extra hour later tomorrow……that hour seems so important lately… will help before starting the usually weekend chores and big cleaning. I cannot wait for those extra ZZZZ’s. Actually I could go to bed right now and get big head start…..”I can hear you calling me!!!”

Let the sunshine in!!!

Finally the sun is back…..for how long? is the question….but it was nice to see and start the day.

Had a very nice dinner with friends last night at Nagoya……the food was great as always. Today is Jolanta’s birthday, so Dan and I got her a carrot cake and put aspargus on the cake to look like candles….tried to make it healthy….since she eats only healthy, gluten free or organic food. It was a big hit,,,,,,,everyone thought it was very clever.

Dan has a big recruiting meeting with Charlie and two agents looking to move over to our office……..Hopefully everything goes well, and they come over and Dan will be happy. He has been working so hard to build up the office……he is so good at what he does……I am so proud of him. It makes me so happy to see him doing what he enjoys doing what he likes and is great at.

Finally subsiding

Happy Hump Day everyone!!!!

Finally, my headache is subsiding……it is starting to lessen, I can actually touch my hair. I am still not liking my hair style yet. (I think it is still in shock and has a mind of its own).
Today is a miserable day, the weather is cold and rainy……a definitely a stay in bed, cuddle under the blankets and just sleep type of day. Nothing new, pretty quiet and boring…….non-eventful, the only thing happening is Dan and I are going out to Nagoya for dinner with friends…….Looking forward to having Sushi for dinner. I could eat sushi every day of the week…..I can not wait, I am already hungry.
After dinner I will make food for tomorrow and then do my exercises……..I am happy got my morning workout in.
Well, I am bored……and have nothing really to say of importance, so I am going to say bye for now,,,,,,talk to you tomorrow.