Just an all around bad two days……. all of sudden I been having sugar lows left and right…….causing my body to ache as if I had a bad seizures and bad memory loss. I have been trying to remember exactly what I did the last few days……and it seems impossible to put things into place or what exactly what I did. Dan keeps trying to fill me in, I feel so stupid…..I am so scared. I keep thinking “What the hell am I going to be like when I am fifty, if I am this bad now!” I just do not get it. I eat right, do what I am suppose to do with my insulin injections…..It was nice for awhile, I was going without any real bad lows or seizures, my memory and confidence was coming back, I felt more stable to talk around people – I knew what I was doing and if I was going low, I was able to catch it and manage it on my own; and then BAM! I just want to crawl into a hole and die…..I am tired and don’t want to do this anymore- I want to get off the rollercoaster ride….Get off permanently!!!!! I AM SO DONE – JUST DON’T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE . It makes me sick to think of what my life is going to be like – or what it will be like and I can’t remember it or miss things. It is so unfair to Dan – he does not deserve this, he is a great guy and deserves so much more……..He did not sign on for this – I am stuck with the cards I was dealt…..he could hand his cards in. I would not blame him if he did.
Well enough of my venting……Going to make the best of today. On that note, I say “Of all the things I lost, it is my mind I miss the most!!”