Monthly Archives: January 2011

Time off – update

Hello there, I took some time off, and just wanted to give an update. Health wise, everything is pretty much the same, still feel like crap (nothing new) and my sugars are all over,,,,,,I took time off because I just did not want to discuss me and my health anymore…..I am in a rut, and having a hard time getting out….not that this weather is helping…..just want to  stay in bed all day. I hate the snow and the cold.
It looks really pretty outside, all fresh white snow on everything (still hate it), going to venture out with Dan to run some errands and then go with him to a board meeting, pretty boring day. I hate feeling so down and depressed…..Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and I will have a better attitude.. Well for now, bye!

Sleep – yes!!!!

Sleep is a wonderful thing….I am relieved that I got thru the night without any seizures or lows…..I had gotten up several times because my stomach was upset, but I am happy to take that. I am happy that Dan got a good night sleep too…..It is amazing how the simple things like sleep are taken for granted. It is sunny and bright out, but I know it is very, very, cold out there. Did some straightening up and chores,,,change sheets, vacumed, etc….Later today meeting with Dan’s sister and her family at the mall….dropping them tickets to sports function and then going to grab something quick to eat….nothing major, my body still achy from the other day and I am still fuzzy and tired. As for my sugar, will I caught one low this morning,….while Dan went to go get the paper, I felt weird…..checked my sugar and it was a 32. Good thing is I caught it…..just hope this does not happen while we are out with his sister…..We don’t get to see them much, and Dan is really looking forward to it, I don’t want to ruin it by having a problem…..So I am going keep it real high and just deal with the headache, I want to make him happy for a change….Keep ya posted.

Another bad night

Yes, another bad night……Dan said this was bad and yet different. He said  I had problems breathing, spasming all over, sweating, but the difference was I was not responsive and was unable to walk or move. Usually, I will ramble and talk about things, but this time after falling and him picking me up and placing me on the bed. I was absolutely silent, he had to keep checking to see if I was breathing…..(he said it scared him) and he really got scared when I said could not walk or feel my legs as he was rubbing them ( he got really nervous – thought maybe I hurt something when I feel) this lasted for long time. Dan said it was different….All I know is that every nerve, muscle and bone hurts…and my head feels like it is going to explode. I had to get up real early this morning because the painters were coming to do some touch up work,,,so sleeping a little late was not an option.   I am so exhausted and hoping for a good nite sleep. Dan looks like he needs it too. If anyone upstairs is listening….please let us have a quite night and start the weekend on good start.  Have lots to do this weekend, and looking forward to watching the JET  GAME.

Update On Kris’s Health From Dan

I just wanted to give all of Kris’s friends and followers of her blog an update on her health. Over the past few weeks her health has been a roller coaster ride for her. We never really know what triggers the seizures to become more frequent but we do know that stress seems to be a big factor. The problem with stress is that it’s like a big snowball, the  more seizures she has the more stress she’s under. You all know that I need to be with her 24/7 so when she is not able to go out and function I can’t make a living during that time which in turn causes more her stress. Kris doesn’t want anyone in real estate to know how bad she is doing because she feels then people won’t call me to handle there real estate because they don’t want to bother me and then she stresses that we can’t pay bills if I’m not out doing real estate.  Over the past 5 years I have seen Kris go thru alot of lows emotionally with her health but over the past 2 weeks her will to keep fighting is at an all time low. She feels more then ever that she is a burden on me physically, emotionally and financially. She seems to now think that out of love for me she would be doing me a favor not continuing her daily fight. Over the past week she has asked me not to help her when she has a seizure and just let her go. During a seizure when she is semi conscious she whispers to me please let her die she doesn’t want to do this anymore. I whisper back in her ear “your not going to leave me with this mess!” I never  have written on this blog  but I read it every day to see if Kris is share an emotion or frustration  that she might not tell me about one on one. I read daily how much she loves me and her thanks to me for saving her and keeping her going. I just want you all to know that don’t know me personally but just read her blog that I’m no “hero” and as great of person that she makes me out to be……..I’m just selfish! I want her around as long as I can have her at my side….. even if that means if shes not 100% or 75% or 50%  it doesn’t make a difference. I would rather lose everything we have to gain one extra day with her.  When some stupid doctors told her that she had around 18 months to live 6 years ago thats the day I became selfish, People might say well look you got all this bonus time after the 18 months was up your lucky…….and yes I am…but I’m also selfish and want another 5 years. It kills me to see her this low and worried…when her parents left this year to go back home I could see in her eyes that she might be saying goodbye to them for ever. I wanted the holidays to be very special for her this year to give her more to fight for and instead they caused her stress and sorrow. well that enough of me writting on here! I need to get her feeling better and I hope when she feels better and reads this she understands how much she means to me and how much I love her. Kris and I don’t real know the  total number of people that read her blog but if you do please send her a note on here or comment and  tell her she can’t give up her journey is not complete yet.

Seriously bad

Yesterday was truly a very bad day and extremely scary….especially for Dan. I woke in the morning feeling my usually crappy self….but had alot of things I wanted to get done around the house. When I was finished cleaning Dan said let’s go to the Mall and walk around, we have not been there in a while and we both like to window shop and people watch. So off we went. Everything was good, got a parking spot right away, and started our journey……It was really fun and while there Dan got his glasses adjusted and we look at different styles….and well that is all I can remember – all hell broke out. Dan said I started to have a hard time walking, I was stumbling, just wanting to sit…..we sat and Dan gave me to bottles of instant glucose – so that I could at least stand and walk without making a scene or hurt myself….Dan always fears that people will think he is hurting me if I get violent and resist him……We made it to the car without any problems. It was a bad low and we got it up by the time I got home. After being home for just a short time, I had another, this time I was really disoriented and having a hard time breathing…..Dan again manage to get me stable….shortly after I had another one worse than before and this time breathing was getting worse, I fell into him, was out of it and not responsive or listening to him. He got extremely scared, because I never had three- now going on 4 back to back. He immediately called my doctor. The doctor said to come into the emergency entrance of Mt Sinai…..and if I stop breathing to go to nearest hospital. Well that was not going to happen, I pleaded with him not to take me, I became very arguementive and difficult. Needless to say, after a hour – I started to come thru, and was more stable…..Thanks to Dan, I am still alive to write about it…..Dan and I have such a fear about going to the hospital around here,,,,,since my condition is so rare, other times at the hospital has almost killed me for wrong diagnose…..Anyway I was able to sleep thru-out the night….I was in such pain, exhausted, embarrassed for not being able to remember anything and being so difficult.
I woke this morning feeling so horrible….my sugars were in the 500 ‘s – great ….now I am heading for a stroke, feel like crap and can’t remember anything. I JUST CANNOT GET A BREAK…..I have literally dragged my ass around today and feel like I am in slow motion. Just want to get the day over and hope tomorrow is better. I was having a problem at dinner….was scattered in my thoughts and had to ask Dan to help me make dinner….I think he knew I had problem, but he did not make a big thing of it, he just helped me like he always does.
I just want to thank him for being the man he is, a loving and great husband…thank you for being so giving and patient with me. I love you so much.

Very Sad

The last few days have been very stressful and have made me very sad. My sugars have been all over, I have had seizures and I feel like crap my head is pounding. Besides my outer body feeling like crap my heart feels alot of pain and regret. Its a terrible feeling to find out a persons true feelings about your past,  and who you are. I wish parts of my past never existed, but it has made who I am today….I don’t think it is a bad thing….just have to look to the future and what it brings. I am lucky I have my husbands unconditional love  and he excepts me for who I am.

Another snow day

Woke to more snow, another 10 inches….I am done with the snow. Not feeling so good, real bad headache, the good thing, there were no seizures during the night, just a low when I first got up, which I was able to catch and correct. Not much to do today, really cold outside. Cleaned and did some computer work…..I have been tired all day and just feeling like crap. It was a lazy day, which I took advantage of, it was nice just hanging with Dan, my buddy. After dinner, felt another low coming on, but caught it again…..must be my lucky day. Just hope that this is it and I get a good nites sleep…..busy day tomorrow. I just want to say I am so greatful for my husband and our relationship…..we are the best of friends and I truly enjoy every minute I spend with him,,,,even if I don’t always say it……Love ya baby so much!!!! Good night

Just give me a break

The last two days have been horrible….that is what I can remember. I have about 2 real major seizures and countless sucks. My body just aches all over….and worse of all I can’t seem to remember what I have done…Dan said last night, I was really bad, it took all his power to hold me down from trying to escape from him and (holding me down from trying to move, walk, etc and fall into things)….He said I am amazingly strong and a tremendous fighter…..I wish I could remember…He also said I am funny with the things I say and do at times…..I feel bad for him….He does not deserve all this stress. I truly appreciate all he puts up with…He took me to get my nails done (thank god nothing happen there). Came home cleaned a little and made dinner.. Have to make a birthday cake for Jenny, she and her sister Lauren and her boyfriend are coming down tomorrow, going to dinner and celebrating Jenny’s 20th Birthday….I am feeling old. Hope I can get thru tonite without any problems…..god knows Dan and I need a good nights sleep.

Snowy day – yuck

Woke up early this morning to lots of snow, just what we need more snow, it is pretty for now. My head is still killing me, and more bruises are popping up from the other night…..I still feel like shit and I still feel fuzzy. I hope this fuzziness goes away have to go on an appointment with Dan, working hard to get my thoughts and wits about me…..don’t want anyone to know there is any problems, and I don’t want Dan to be worried that I am going to have an issue in public.  Called Jenny for her bithday – 20 years old, Dan is feeling old, (but I keep telling him he looks great – and he truly does, he is the coolest dad).

Came home from the appointment and after having lunch at Nagoya -it was a real treat.  We decided since it was a cold and a snowy day- it was a perfect day to snuggle and take a nap……we slept for three hours, it was really nice – I love those special moments together, that is what life  is all about….Thanks Dan. 

Still feeling like shit, but feel more rested, just a real lazy day.  Made dinner,  spoke to parents and sister, and tried to think about the events of the past days…..still do not have everything straight and becoming very frustrated and upset.  I worked out on my ball and decided to just give up trying to think, (wanted to jot down thoughts on an issue I need to address, just could not get it together and getting very upset.  So I have decided to stop and address tomorrow – hopefully I will have my mind and thoughts back)……we shall see in the morning…..nite, nite.

Day spent trying to remember

Well I woke up this morning feeling like I got hit by a mac truck and then I was stabbed all over my body…The sad thing is – I woke with bruises and bumps all over my arms and legs and real tenderness to the back of my head…it was not a good sign. I asked Dan what had happened, because I could not  for the life of me remember much about the day before, except driving to his parents. Apparently yesterday was really bad for me….I had a real bad low in Walmart – came out of the store staggering and not knowing where I was, after coming out of it, played a game with his parents, ate and went home. Then when I got home it just proceeded to get worse, another bad low which went into a seizure, where upon I fell several times in the bathroom, down the stairs into my dinning room, and almost broke my neck falling off the bed, Dan was able to catch my head from hitting the floor and mirror door….(that explains all the bruises….the sad thing is I don’t remember any of it, and I really feel bad because in all the commotion….I kicked Dan in the chin – I think he chipped his tooth….I feel so bad and really dumb and stupid. I know it is not me – but I still hate it and feel horrible that he has to deal with me…..I wish he would just stop helping me…It would be so much better for him…at least I would not injure him…..He laughs, says I am one strong girl….not someone to mess with). I guess they should put a warning label on me….caution can be dangerous!!!! lol – not funny. Managed to get myself together later in the day…ran some errands with Dan and made a nice dinner. Went food shopping afterwards and managed to have no problems (seizures or lows,,,,I don’t think I could handle anymore today…my body literally aches….my hair hurts…I am going to workout on my ball….maybe it will loosen my muscles and  I will be so exhausted I will sleep good. I can only hope.  Wish me luck!!!!