Monthly Archives: October 2010

Pushing along

Just another day… is beautiful….warm for a fall day, but who is complaining….will be coming to an end and then we will be crying that it is too cold.   Getting very excited, just       20 days, and I will be sitting pool side, soaking up the sun, and relaxing with Dan, enjoying  every minute together with no one  to bother us…..I can not wait.  Woke with a bad stomach and headache, what else is new……but I pushed myself to get my morning workout in and then was  out  with Dan, runing around do errands, did alittle more of seasonal  clothing change (God, how I  hate doing this task…..but it is my mission to get it done tonite……so I can decide what is coming with me on my trip….believe that!!!!! I don’t think so.)

Spoke with my mom, caught up with her….looking forward to seeing her and my dad for the holidays…….Can’t wait till they    get here and the  whole family is  together …..with the additions of Marcos, little Marcos and Olivia.  I called Kathleen to see if she needed anything/ but there was no conversation……she sounded exhausted and wanted to sleep while the babies were asleep…..I understood the need for sleep. I will catch up  with her later. 

On the whole another, usual day…….looking forward to having dinner with Dan,  set a game plan for next couple of days,   alot to do before our Halloween Party and the next couple of days coming up……..and most of all getting ready for the Big V Day……VACATION… I love that word.  It always brings a smile to my face, along with St. Maarten  and Daniel.  NICE…….then I will come home work out and get ready for tomorrow.  Just hope it all goes as smooth as stated and there are not seizures or episodes…….Just had one little minor low – which I caught…..better than 3  yesterday……miracles do happen, but then I should not speak  to soon…..the day is not over….keeping figures crossed.

What a Day, What a Wednesday

Woke with a really bad headache….Had a sugar low late nite/early morning…which I caught myself – and what was weird – I actually felt it coming on – the sweats and feeling really hot and shaky just before having my breakfast/took my blood and it was 42, (so I made sure I had cereal /fruit / and a yogurt, and listen to Dan saying I was off his diet menu – my reply, it is wednesday and we are going to have a long day at your parents). I sometimes think it is stress and anxiety building up to going there and then once there everything goes to hell and becomes a mess as always.

Like always we got down there for lunch….which they were done eating in ten minutes and the dishes removed from the table and washed in 5……Of course Dan and I were still eating… I rushed because his mom kept trying to clear Dan’s dish, which Dan tried to hold and wait till I finished (gotta love the man – he has such patience and is so good with his mom, even when she is mean with her old age…..which is all the time and getting worse – even to him… is so sad. Dan tells her, but she does not care – says she is old can do what/and say what she wants…..just not right and not fair to Dan who puts up with it…. But I know it is his mom, and he loves her,,,,,,but I Love him and know what a good man he his,,,,,and it makes mad that she is so hurtful……anyway). After lunch, did our usual run to Wal-Mart for the things they needed (this trip required stuff to fix their toliets, father’s pills and some other odds and ends. Then we got back…..I sat on the computer and was apparently having a sugar low-Dan found me sitting there, hot, all sweaty, disoriented and shaky…..again don’t remember and I think he made me down Mango Snapple….because we had to go meet someone -who was picking up somethings from his mom garage…needed directions…etc….Don’t remember much just alot of yelling (mom) then we were ready to eat, 10 min finished…Dan stuck up for me …..because I was not finished at same time – which lead to more yelling – and her telling us to go home – Just all around stressful and glad the day is over.

I just hope I dont’t  get that bad…… (my luck I won’t know who I am…….could be a good thing).  It makes me sad, and want me to enjoy life with my husband……Love him for who he is and what he stands for…. ” Warm,loving and Patient” son……and husband….. (Don’t get me  wrong he is not always a saint…..he can be a real pain – but he is MY PAIN”.

Got home, put things away (dirty dishes from the day – into     dishwasher ),   exercised and returned emails…..etc.  Now I am going to sit  down and watch some TV before going to bed……and getting a good night sleep.  Have another early day and lots of running around………So that was my  Wednesday – WOW!!!!

Another Monday

The weeks seem to just be flying by…..between all the sugar lows and seizures, I do not know if I am coming or going.  Last night was another one of those nights….I was in the process of finishing the final touches on Dan’s Halloween costume….so I thought I made them……to wake this morning to find out my attempt was never completed and I had to start all over again.  Dan said I was having problems about 10:30, I don’t even remember, which really sucks.  (The story of my life – I hate to see what happens when  I get older – I probably won’t remember who I am, scary – the thought makes me sick to my stomach – poor Dan).

Anyway- I tried my costume on – not really liking the way it looks…..will try to make changes to it tomorrow, after my hair appointment.  Maybe that will make me feel better, new cut and color – make me feel pretty.  Just tread sitting there,,,,,and know Dan is waiting for me (worrying that he is not there and if I am going to have a problem – will have to have my sugar real high which in turn means a slamming headache for hours – just want to be normal- yeah like that is going to happen….I just have to keep telling myself “I am special”…..not!!!!

Well, I at least got to work out a little tonight…..start back to heavy duty workouts (health permitting – tomorrow, only 30 days before swimsuit time….uh – gotta work real hard).  Well I have returned emails and correspondence to old friends that have contacted me thru blog…….it was great hearing from them and their prayers and kind words meant alot to me…….If you are reading…..”Thank you”, it helps me……and I only hope that I can give them something back, through reading my blog or just a place to vent and share……Well, time to go check sugar, not feeling so great…..Time to say good night – talk to you tomorrow.

End to exhausting week

TGIF – finally the end to a very long and sleepless week. The morning was sunny but that to has come to an end. It looks so chilly and miserable out. I got some sleep….not much, but for a change no episodes during the nite….thank god. Have alot to do today….I have to shop for my Halloween custom…I figured, it is best to go while kids are in school….and not alot of people shopping during the weekend. Looking forward to our developement Party next week, should be a blast…..Dan is going to be a hit…..His custom is great….I still to make some final alterations for him. I can’t wait to see the customs….but I know one thing…..there is not going be anyone dressed like Dan – THAT’S FOR SURE. I hope to finish changing my summer clothes to winter and getting my clothes ready for our trip to St. Maarten……..I wish we were leaving tomorrow…..God how Dan and I need to get away….just to relax and get away from here – I love it there….hopefully we can retire there and be beach bums or I would even be a pool girl…..that is okay – it is just perfect there and the people are so true and pleasant. When Dan and I are there together everything is so special and right… is truly our own little paradise……nothing upsets us there……(just wish medical was better there…..Dan is always worrying about me there – but the funny thing is if I was going to die – there is where I would want to go – I am so at peace there and nothing bothers me. Of course…..Dan would have to be with me….He makes it all complete!!!) Well, I gotta get my big butt in gear……try to squeeze into some customs……Talk to you in a bit.

Days from hell

Hello, Sorry it has been a couple of days but, the last 3 days have been pure hell for me health wise….After having a great day with my sisters, nieces and nephew and brother-in-law, we went to have dinner with Erika and her daughters, saw my new niece and nephew – Marcos and Olivia, (they are so cute and little….just precious) Dan and I came home and got ready for bed…..and then all hell broke out….had a bad sugar low….up most of the night and did not get much sleep of course when I woke up in the morning I felt like crap, I had this slamming headache and felt very shaky and unstable all day. Then by dinner I had a bad drop in sugar at 4:00 -and it was bad it lasted to 12 midnight…..I was a complete mess….. I have memory of anything that happened……Thank God for Dan……at least I did not burn the cake I was making him for the next day….to bring to his daughters for their birthday celebration with their father…….I just wanted to die…..sometimes I wish I would….it would be so much easier for everyone – maybe not at first – in time the pain would go away and so would the burden of constant fear and worry……(I know it sounds selfish….but wen you at the other end and you are the burden and have no control… sucks in plain english – okay I vented)…on a positive note I managed to survive the horrible aftermath of the seizure and episode…. Had a great time with my stepdaughters and the cake was a success……I am still feeling like death and just want to go to bed……almost there just making the meals for tomorrow’s trip down south to do the usual taking care of Dan’s parents……I know Dan is looking forward to seeing his Dad since we missed last week…….His mom will be happy to see him……..I just hope it  nicely and it is a pleasent day

Catching up

I have alot to catch up on. It has been several days since I wrote, alot has happened and my health has not been coorperating. The last time I wrote I had already seen my new niece and nephew, they were not named yet – well they are now a week old and their names are Marcos and Olivia, absolutely beautiful and healthy. I had went with Dan to see them a total of three times at the hospital which turned into a nightmare on each occassion – each time I had a problem and extremely low sugar levels…leaving me to have memory lost of the time spent there. (Which really sucks). Thank God they are home now and very Healthy, mom and dad are happy too, but very tired and still trying to get the hang of things.
It is Friday, October 15th and Dan’s birthday……He is 49 today. His phone has not stopped beeping from all his friends, partners, family and fans…wishing a him a great day and best wishes….he is so loved. It is hard not to love him…..He truly is a good person, (besides be a great husband and friend). I am a lucky girl.

Took him for Lunch at Panera and we are going for Sushi at Nagoya’s (Our favorite place) to Celebrate his birhday just the two of us and maybe go for a movie “The Secretarial – Horse movie”. This weekend is going to busy…it is his birthday extravaganza – dinner with friends Saturday…possible dinner/cake with Erika, Maya and Bella on Sunday – Go to Orchard to see Jenny, and Tuesday birthday dinner/cake with his daughters Lauren and Jenny. In between all this celebrating, doing work and cleanning the house and getting ready for our trip. Yes, before we know it November will be here……it can not come fast enough. I just hope that I can manage to stay healthy and get my sugars somewhat undercontrol….and not lose my mind (literally) before then. I am really becoming concerned with all the lows and how horrible the pain has become… is really making me stress and miserable … I  just don’t want to do it anymore. I know that is not fair to Dan (he really would be better off) and the new babies and my other nieces and my parents. But it is not easy….I hate not being able to go anywhere or have to constantly worry if I am going to remember the  hour before or if I will hurt someone or myself……it just really SUCKS!!!!!
Well I have managed to summed  everything up and should be able to keep current from this point on. See you tomorrow.

Big Day – Celebration of Life

Today is the day, my sister is scheduled to give birth to my new niece and nephew……she should already had them and is in recovery. Can’t wait to see them and her. Going to the hospital later…..Of course my oven had to break, waiting for the repair man. Don’t they know I have an appointment to see two very special people. I am so excited. At least this will make the day go quick, and help me forget my pains…..for a little while anyway. I will take anything at this point……my stomach is absolutely killing me. Well no sense complaining….I let you know how things went, after I see the babies….

Wonderful Wednesday

It is that time of week again. Yes it is Wednesday, woke this morning and was on the   road  early to my in-laws in Toms River. I just want to say one thing….My husband is amazing and has the patience of a saint. He is such a good son, I just wish his mother realized that. He does so much for them and just puts up with so much. It makes me so sad and breaks my heart on the whole situation… I love watching him with his father, they are so cute together….and it kills me how his mom is abusive to him and his father…..I know she is never going to change and she is old…but it is not right and kills me. Anyway…he got to spend time with them…… I wish my mom was closer….it was her birthday today….called her several times just to let her know how I was thinking of her…….(can’t wait till they come out here to New Jersey for the Holidays)….I am home now, and I have such a spliting headache… sugar dropped real low….caught it before Dan notice anything… I just feel horrible ……going to skip my exercises tonight ,will get up early tomorrow and do double. Hope tonight is a good night and no problems…..Today was stressful enough.
I just want to say one thing….My dearest Dan……you are an amazing man and a great husband and wonderful son……..You are my rock. I love you.

Miserable And Rainy Monday

Well, if there was a day to stay in bed and get some extra sleep, today was the day. It is miserable out, chilly, gloomy and wet. I other hand still have not gotten the sleep I need….again another night of sugar lows and no memory of it, I know this because Dan filled me in on the details, besides my body feeling like crap and every bone/joint aching. I am really getting discussed with my situation. Again earlier in the day, I had another problem, while out with Dan running errands…don’t remember even doing some of the things. I feel horrible for Dan,,,,I hate that I am such a burden, I wish I could just go somewhere and hide….this way I can’t be afraid of hurting anyone, myself, or embarrassing Dan. It just sucks. (I had to get that off my chest, my minute of feeling sorry for myself is done – it is what it is and there is nothing I can do but dealt with it and move on. Just once in awhile, I would like to catch a break).
Spoke to my parents in New Mexico….tried to change their mind about driving here for the holidays, trying to persuade them to fly out. Need I say anymore – that did not go over so well….I am going to work harder on it, I have a funny feeling this is a battle I am not going to win…can’t hurt to try!!!!!
Made a real nice fish dinner with scallops, cod, salad and yellow squash, it was quite good – I remember that, and actually making it….amazing. Going to the store with Dan to pick up a speaker and then come home to work out. Hopefully by then I will be so tired that tonight I will sleep without any surprises…PLEASE!!!!! lol I really mean it…..I need to feel a little better, I hate feeling so miserable and depressed,,,,,things are bad enough. Well bye for now –

Birthday Celebration

It is a beautiful fall day, sunny and not a cloud in the sky. I have been looking forward today and glad it has come. Dan and I are having dinner with my sister and my two nieces (Maya and Bella), to celebrate Bella’s 10th birthday at the Cheeseburger in Paradise, place of her choice. Did alot of little errands, normal chores, changing sheets, laundry, and cleaning. Trying to keep myself going,,,have not gotten a good nights sleep due to numerous sugar lows and seizures during the last couple of nights, I have been irritable and just plane miserable. I feel bad for Dan…I have not been so nice and just feel horrible, and I do not mean to take it out on him…..So if you read this Dan, I am truly sorry and appreciate you putting up with me.
Went to dinner with my sister Erika and the girls, it was great and made me so happy to see them. They are so grown up and beautiful young ladies….time has flown by, it makes me think how lucky I am to have them in my life and how much I love them, and look forward to watching them get older, have boyfriends, get married….(not so fast). It was so nice being together as a family…I actually forgot for a little while how terrible I felt.
I hope tonight is a better night for sleeping and I actually get more than an hour of sleep, and Dan gets a good night sleep, so we can start the week off good. It is going to be an exciting couple of days to come…expecting the arrival of two new additions to the family…my sister Kathleen and her husband Marcos are expecting the birth of their first- son and daughter, yes twins any day now….I am so excited for them and I can’t wait to see the little ones. Yes, I am a very lucky girl.