Category Archives: My Family

Happy Hump Day

Another cloudy day……does not look like the sun is going to break through. I am hoping for a good day……positive thinking…..despite having the same bad headache and pains in my stomach. Worked out and did my normal morning routine…… Dan put pump back on my stomach, which really hurt today……got ready and went to office with Dan before 8:30. It is going to be a long day. I have decided to master the program DocuSign……at least attempt to (every time I get one part down….there is an upgrade and change to the program. But I am determined). Yes I am broken and technically handicapped…….just shoot me now!!!!!!

I dread tomorrow…..Have to go into the City for more test on why my organs are starting to have issues and have a monitor inserted in my stomach so they can monitor my sugar levels. I hate going…..it is the same thing all the time….”There is not much we can do for you…..it is not going to get better…..we just need to keep watch.” This always makes me feel better…..NOT!!!!!!! I am trying not to think about it now……..Keep saying to myself POSITIVE THOUGHTS……tomorrow is another day….live for now. I can only try and that is what I am doing.

Okay, almost time to go home and still feeling like crap. I must say, even though I have had nothing but positive thoughts……I have not been successful with DocuSign……I am beyond frustrated…..thank god I am leaving soon, because I am about to put my foot thru the screen of my computer……I know I am technically handicapped but REALLY! I am about to pull my hair out……you know what, enough is enough, tomorrow is another day….screw it.

Bringing You Up To Date

I am going to try to bring you up to date in my life, as briefly as possible. My last true entry was on June 13, 2012 where I spoke about changes that were taking place in my life (Dan and I), that we were going to consider.

Well back in July, Dan left RE/MAX Legend in Mahwah and moved to Prominent Properties Sotheby’s International Reality in Saddle River – where Dan is the Broker/Manager…….finally making a change after years of being pursued. Although, I miss my friends at RE/MAX……the change has introduced me to a new group of wonderful people. They have made Dan and I feel so welcome and made the move so smoothe and comfortable. Ellie, especially…..she has been a doll. She is so helpful and is great with both Dan and I. Everybody is just so nice……lots of different personalities, but all warm and loving people. Dan loves it there, and is looking forward to moving the office down the road…….(which is a process……painting, setting floor plans, running electrical lines for computers, furnishing, etc……should be fun…..lots of work and stress to come).

During this move over to a new Company, we (Dan) helped in the relection of Bill Laforte – Mayor of Mahwah, relection of another of 4 years as Mayor. It was fun, and alot of time and hard work; but the rewards are priceless…..we have made friends with people that are now a big part of our lives……very dear and special friends.

Our dearest friend Aurora oldest daughter Melanie got engaged, married and expecting her first – anytime now….we are patiently awaiting the arrival of Vance Ruanne……..Dan and I felt so honored to share in all the family festivities this past year…….It is nice to see the happiness Aurora is feeling…..she was looking forward to this for along time.

Dan and I were able to go away this year to St. Maarten for 10 days…….we had the best vacation. We absolutely just relaxed and enjoyed ourselves……a much deserved vacation. We hung out with our good friend Nina, and made new friends…..everything was just perfect……Health + except for one very costly (sugar low) they were pretty good……I think – we should live there all the time….LOL!!!
Beautiful weather, sun and no stress……..that is were I want to retire,,,,,,,,just paradise……Love it there!!!!

Let’s see….also (this was hard for Dan and I),this Christmas was lonely. For the first time we did not have our girls for Christmas. Lauren moved to Louisanna with her boyfriend to seek a career in Healthcare Management……..and Jenny, went them to help…….It was sad….I really felt bad for Dan…..although he did not say it, he was lost without them……..But I tried to make light of it and said……just think we have a new place to visit……..I am looking forward to visiting…..it will be really fun.

I am going to have to stop here for now,,,,,,,,I have a terrible stomach/headache……not feeling so good…….Like anything ever changes for me…….but, as usual, I am trying to keep positive. I just look at my calendar for the week……..busy couple days ahead…….Dan gets re appionted to the planning board/ along with the Mayor being sworn in…….meetings and visiting my sister in the Hospital. Hopefully the surgery will be successful and she will no longer be in terrible pain………Just waiting to hear the results.

I Am Back And Making A New Year’s Resolution

Yes I am back!!!!!!
I will be writing again, I promise. I will try to fill you in and you bring you up to date on what has happened in the past few months (alot has happened), and there has been alot of changes in my life, except for my health, which is a constant battle.
Other resolutions I am determined to keep and make happen:
Lost weight and get into shape….I want a kick ass body for pool season this summer…..this is absolute must.
Follow thru with some ideas I have…….sewing and making some clothes, etc…….
Making myself happy….doing things that make me feel good and have self worth
And last not but no least…..most important…..enjoying my life with my loving husband, family, and friends…..I am not going to let my health and pain stand in the way of me feeling happy.

so on that note…..I want to say good-bye to 2012…..and say thank you to my husband/soulmate for getting me thru 2012. I am looking forward to our journey in 2013 ……You are the best!!!! I love you.

And to all my friends and family……a Happy and Healthy 2013.

Love always
Kris

Happy Mothers Day!

To all my friends and followers of my blog, Happy Mothers Day! And love and thanks to my girls Lauren & Jenny and  husband/cargiver and best friend Dan for making me smile and feel loved this Mothers Day. When times are rough and tough sometimes its the smallest things that make you feel a little better and smile.

Did I Say Nightmare!!!!

Monday was going to be a very busy, long,  and pressure filled day.  Dan and I had to drive to Toms River, pick his parents up (getting them into car was a task), drive back up to Wayne to the wake of family friend, then get them back into the  car, and drive them back to Toms River, get them  food, and finally go back to Mahwah.  Well everything was going as planned, until on the way home to Tom River, I had a very bad sugar low, and was on the verge of a seizure.  Dan was not able to reach me to prevent it, I was sitting in the back with his father, (mother in front with him because she cannot get into the truck)…..so he did not see the signs…..which of course resulted in total Chaos.   Dan had to pull off the side of the road to help me…. his parents tried to help (the father tried- and his mother thought she was, but made matters worse…..whereupon Dan and her got into it).  After I was stable enough Dan dropped his parents home, and we went to get them food……I had no clue what happened and Dan filled me in.   I felt so embarrassed that his parents witness the situation and that Dan had to deal with this.  I just want to go home and hide.  We ate with his parents,…..very quite/ not much conversation,  Dan’s mother was upset with him – because he yelled at her; so we made sure they were settled and got back in the car and headed north one more time.   Dan is a true saint and great son to his parents……I just hope they know that.

Managed to get home without any other problems, just felt embarrassed and sick from the seizure… my balance was off….and so was my speech.  It was a quiet ride home and a total night mare of a day.  I went straight to bed….hoping tomorrow would be better.

Totally Weird

Totally weird start to the day.  Woke up this morning feeling really weird, my stomach was more upset than usual and I just felt shaky.  I thought it would past, so I decided to skip my  exercise routine (do it later today) and got ready to run  around with  Dan on appointments and errands ;  the next thing I remember is Dan making me drink glucose shots.  I apparently had a bad sugar low - it was only 10:20 in the morning.   I just don’t get it.  I don’t remember anything leading up to the low or anything much after.   So of course this changed my plans for the day, because now I am feeling shitty  and worse than before.  

Finally, after re-grouping, I got myself together, finished getting dressed and ready to go out with Dan (that man is a saint)…..we were able to accomplish all the things we needed to get done (despite the  fact that my head still feels like it is going to explode and I just feel so unsure of things, my thoughts and speaking – so I apologize if my thoughts are scattered).  I managed to work out on my ball…..only did half the sit-ups…better than nothing.  I can’t wait to go to bed and end this day.

New Day But Nothing Changes

Okay,  it is Monday, the beginning of a new week, the past should be the past, and a fresh start right?.  It just doesn’t work out that way for me. My life is like  the movie Groundhog Day. no matter what I try to change the day still ends the same way. Its just a bad ride that doesn’t seem to end. “they” say BE  POSITIVE….THINK POSITIVE but “they are not me and I’m gettin tired of hearing “them”.   That is what I have tried t do for the past few years. All the prayers and well wishes don’t work so what is left? I feel like crap  today and feel like a puff ball, retaining fluids from the last seizure but whats the difference the next seizure is right around the corner waiting to happen and make me feel bad again.  Just  want to feel no more pain both in my body and in my heart. How can anyone stand me when I can’t stand myself?  The doctors tell me that stress is bad for me and helps contribute to my seizures How come they can’t tell me how to fix my daily stress??? Have alot of things to do, but getting off to a slow start. I’m at the point were I don’t care if things take longer to get done. Easter is this weekend and I really don’t want to go any where and see anyone. Maybe just stay around house. Dan is checking to see what the girls are doing but he thinks they have plans.

Bad Ending To A Nice Evening

Well, so much for a nice evening with husband and sister.  After I posted my blog, I straighten up a little and went to bed.  Next thing I know, I woke in the morning with a really bad headache, every bone in my body hurt and a horrible pain in my stomach; on my night stand were two empty glucose bottles, and I was not in the same closes as I went to bed in, and my hair  was in ringlets (which is from sweating so bad)……that  was a sure sign there was a problem during the night.  Of course I do not remember anything, just feel the aftermath.  I can also tell by - Dan is very quite and distant…….he did not get much sleep I’m sure and I probably gave him a hard time drinking the glucose.   I feel horrible, physically, mentally unstable, and emotionally I am a wreck.  It kills me that Dan has to take care of me and I  put him thru this…..all I can say is I am sorry.  He never once said to me anything went wrong or what happened he just did what he needed to to help me and that was that and acted like nothing happened. I really want to say to him……”just let me go, don’t help me…..please”.  But that is another wish, along with winning the lottery that will never come true.  I can only hope but I know Dan won’t help me with that wish that one is in my hands.   Dan if I have not said it for the millionth time, I AM SO SORRY AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!Have a lot to do today, although  I’m feeling  shakey  – have errands and appts. to go on with Dan and hopefully come home with out any problems and relax.  Wish me luck.

The Small Things That Matter

Had a nice relaxing evening so far……made dinner for Dan and my sister Erika came over to just hang out with us (chicken with  rice and salad)    We then all watched the movie  on cable “The Hangover”  it is a great movie, Dan and I saw it before, Erika never did……it was fun,  had us laughing from the beginnning to end…..Bradley Cooper is just eye candy… yummy for the eyes…….It was a real nice evening….I had a sugar low (caught before my sister got to the house) but it was a pleasure after last night…..I accomplished  watching the whole movie without a problem and remembering what I saw is a good thing….now I hope to get thru the night into the morning….. busy day ahead.  Got all the winter clothes out of the drawers and closets ….yes, I am on a role, now to pack them away and put summer out.  Good night I hope!

Holy Crap – Major Melt Down

I woke this morning not knowing where I was or how I got to bed, the last thing I remember was going for a walk with Dan.  I had a real bad sugar low, then seizure and Dan manage to stabilize me.   So when I got home from my walk  I went to write  on my blog,  I realize that I definitely had a problem, as my last entry shows……Holy Crap – I am so embarrassed, not only do I not remember the whole evening from the walk on, my brain had a major melt down, as you can see on my last entry.  I don’t remember writing, and my typing/spelling  as well as thought process was shot…..Don’t ask me what I was trying to say.  

This is why the  new sensor they came out with  is so important……it would detect a pattern in  my sugar moving in the wrong direction up to 45 min. in advance of me having a problem and set an alarm off so I could get sugar into me and turn pump off…….now I don’t even feel it coming on ( I use to)……and if I do it is to late cause I can’t express it.  I feel so stupid and mad writing the way I did last night on here…….All I can say is I am sorry.  I should just paste  a sign on my back “I am sorry in advance”.

Well, I can not change things…..just move on and hope another episode does not take place today and I get a days break. It’s the back to back one that really do damage to my brain. Dan is even more upset then me because he feels bad when he can’t catch it in time. Now he is telling me that he is going to get that sensor one way or another in the next month or so. I reminded him that the sensor is a one time fee  and the supplies are what will just be another monthly bill we don’t need or can afford.  Well….. I have  a lot to do, weekend cleaning and chores, change over clothes from winter to summer (how I hate that job), run errands with Dan,  and try to keep a smile my on face,  when all I want to do is cry with my head pounding ( I will have that for the next few days after a seizure).  Oh well, better get started. One of our friends told Dan and I about a neighbor that killed herself the other day by sitting in the car with it running and the garage door shut. Dan felt so bad for the woman that she had no other choice but to do that…….I felt good for the woman because I know how it feels to not want to be around any longer and be a financial burden on my family.  Why should Dan loss everything  he worked so hard for in life and have suck a stress daily life? I was jealous of the woman who ended it all.