Category Archives: My Thoughts

He is back completely…..Hurray!!!!!!

Sorry I missed the last couple of days…..but it has been crazy and I have been all over the place with my sugars, which in turn has effected my brain and thoughts. Yes I am scattered and a mess, nothing unusual lately. The good thing is I have my best friend and buddy back, I am tickled pink that he is feeling better than new.

Last night was a nice evening……Jenny came down to see Dan for his birthday, we went to our favorite place….Nagoyas. As usual we had a great dinner, we had great conversation, had a lot of catching up to do…..Jenny looked great. Dan was very happy…..He loves his girls. I came home after dinner, Jenny went home and I made the meals for today’s lunch and I watched some TV, and wait straight to bed.

I woke this morning, feeling like crap…(What else is new)…..did my usual morning routine…..Made Dan eggs and Bacon for breakfast, cleaned up, made bed, etc……worked out….showered and got ready to go into the office. We had to stop and get a cake for Henriett’s birthday (I cannot wait for this week to be over……cake every day this week, my ass is going to be the size of Texas if we have any more agents with Birthdays in October…..Thank God Friday is the last one for at least a week or so). A lot of running around today…..pick up commission checks for agents, get our costumes for Friday (yes Dan and I, and Ellie are dressing up)…….should be interesting and fun. I think a few other agents are going to dress up.

Went home and made a nice salmon dinner……..then I got a spurt of energy and decided to make cauliflower mash potatoes and stuffing for my stuffed peppers, and made lunch for the next day. I amaze myself sometimes…..all this energy at night and yet don’t even speak to me in the morning…..that is me(definitely not a morning person). I cleaned up the kitchen, by this time it was 10:15…….I finally sat down and watch the remaining of my Chicago PD….and went to bed.

Moving Forward in the Right Direction

Well, this is the 2nd day on the new medication….and Dan seems to feel much better. He is back to his crazy self…..back to being the morning person he has always been, joking and talkative…..yes, annoying – cause I am not a morning person at all, talk to me after 9am – please!!!!!

Again it is a gloomy and rainy day….actually it is very chilly out- bone chilling, a great day to just stay in bed under the covers all toasty. I woke this morning with my sugar very low, curly hair and wet clothes, and a headache that was so bad I wanted to cry…….I definitely had a sugar low during the night…..every muscle in my body aches as a result …..this is becoming a everyday event for the last 5 days which is a little unusal, beside the lows during the course of the day. I feel like I am on a non-stop rollercoaster ride…..up and down, up and down…..I just want to cry. But in reality no one cares, so there is no sense complaining…..”Kris, put your big girl pants on and deal with it. Move on,…..put a smile on your face and reply with, ” I am feeling just peachy.”

I am trying to inhale positive thoughts and exhale the negative……..having a hard time just focusing on anything. I feel like I do not have any control, no control of my thoughts, my aches and pains, and my tears that I am having a differcult time holding them back. I know this is going to be another long day and when an is finished at the office cannot come fast enough. I think tonight we are going to see our friend Larry. He is still in the hospital, he is not progressing at all. I feel so bad for him, it is not fair that terrible things to go people. Hopefully, by visiting him we can boost his spirits a little.

Progress for Dan

Yes……I am so happy for Dan he is feeling much better. He started the new medication….(not that it has taken effect yet…but the fact of knowing the medicine will help him, I think is a major factor of how is feeling). It is nice to see him feeling his usual self….being silly and goofy, just making me laugh. I am so happy to have my best friend and buddy back. He is back to driving more comfortably and being up and about without as much verdigo. I wish I could take a pill and be happy and feel no pain, god knows I would take the whole bottle right now……I had a terrible night and not feeling much better now. I hate feeling this way…..scattered and in pain……I just want to scream on the top of my lungs “THIS REALLY SUCKS…..PLEASE JUST GIVE ME BREAK, ANYONE JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE”. Okay, I vented ……time to move on.

I hate when it is gloomy out, it just makes feel sad and depressed. I am definitely a person who is affected by the weather…….I am my happiest when it is sunny out, warm to cool (autumn my favorite season), blue skyies with white puffy clouds, the sound of the waves hitting the powderly sands……the warmth of sun rays on my skin. St. Maarten is where I would love to live at least 6 months out of the year…..I am always my happiest there….the rain there even makes me smile…..I love it there.

It is almost time to go home…..it seems like the day has taken forever. I just want to go home and curl up in my chair. But that will not happen…..I have to make dinner, clean up and go food shopping. Hope fully the supermarket will not be packed and we can get in and out quickly. Usually I do not mine……Dan is usually the angry shopper, but today I think it is going to be my turn…….”People beware…..crazy women in Aisle 10……LOL!!!!!!”
I just want to go home and park my butt on my chair and veg. I feel like I have been watching paint dry today just a slow moving day!!!!!!!!

Hope, things are getting better

Well, things are getting better for Dan……he woke this morning and was able to get out of bed, have breakfast and get into the shower without any panic attacks…..a major step forward. Dan was so happy he loves being at work it makes him feel the best, which made me happy. I am glad he is feeling a little better, he is also meeting with the doctor to have an evaluation and have his medication adjusted. This is a positive step in the right direction. I am glad someone is feeling better….especially him. As for me, I woke feeling just terrible…..I have a killer stomach ache and a slamming headache…….I feel like I had the shit kicked out of me…..I must have had a sugar low (woke with curly hair and my clothes were damp – a definitely sign of sugar low). I am feeling very shakey and scattered in my thoughts……so I am keeping it short (this has taken me a long time to get these thoughts into words.)

I cannot wait to take Dan to doctors and get him better. It has been a long day…….cannot wait till to tomorrow.

A very long, long weekend

This weekend has been a very long and dragged out weekend, very depressing. Very depressing for the fact that Dan is still not any better. It makes me sick inside to see Dan not feeling well. He is beside himself and so frustrated…..he has been spending a lot of time in bed and sleeping…..his panic attacks are not getting better. The medication he is on seems to be magnifying the symptoms…..he is just miserable. He has tried to get out and drive but he is very anxious and nervous all the time. So this weekend was spent mainly in the house, just trying to make Dan comfortable…..I guess I am not the best nurse, I tried, but I was not successful…..nothing helped him. I did manage to get Dan out of the house on Sunday for more than an hour…..We drove to CVS to get a few things and then I convinced him to go to Darlington Park for a walk and get fresh air. Then I came up with the idea to get a little snack, where we could have a little picnic in the park. He agreed, and my intentions were good, but when we got to the park it was just to cold and windy. So make the best of the situation…..we parked the car, rolled the windows down, turned the music on and ate our snack inside the truck and enjoyed the bright colors of the trees and had good conversation. This was a major step for Dan and was a treat for me…..the highlight of the weekend.

We came home, Dan watched the games and I prepared a nice fish dinner. Dan seemed to like i…..he ate most of it; his appetite has not been very good due the medications… (he lost 9lbs in a week…which is not good and also has me worried). Tomorrow’s goal is get Dan to see a doctor as a follow up and adjust his medications.

Set back

Just when I thought Dan was moving forward and feeling a little better…….this morning he had a set back. We woke to a beautiful and sunny day. We had breakfast and everything was good. Then when Dan went to take a shower, he got dizzy and became very unstable. He had a hard time moving about and getting ready, but he pushed himself, especially because I had a follow up appointment with the oral surgeon to check the recovery process. Dan did not feel well enough to drive so I drove to the doctors office and he stayed in the truck while I went in. My sugar was high,,,,380, so Dan felt comfortable to let me drive. I was in the office for less than 15 minutes, he checked me out and he gave me a clear bill of health. I proceeded back to the truck and proceeded to drive us to the Hillsdale office before going back to our office. Dan said I did not seem my self and had me pull over to check my sugar…..well in less than a I/2 hour my sugar dropped from 380 to 33……now this just made Dan frantic and more nervous…..immediately he had me drink glucose and change seats……he had to drive back to the office, he was very upset driving because he was dizzy and not feeling well. Dan, now was not feeling good at all. He had a recruiting appointment with an agent. He just wanted to get thru the appointment. I knew he was not feeling good at all but wouldn’t cancel that appointment. So much for moving forward and getting better. Hopefully he has the whole weekend to rest, he will get over this. I am so worried about him…….I just wish he would feel better.

Slight improvement

Slept a little later than usual……..Dan did not have a good night. He felt sick to his stomach and dizzy again. I felt horrible he was feeling so bad, especially on his birthday. I stayed up most of the night…..not feeling good myself and worrying about him. Between the two of us we are one big mess….. I am use to always feeling shitty, Dan on the other is never sick and he is not a good patient. (But then again what man is……..as my mother always says….Men are little boys when sick…..That is sooooo true!!!!).

After leaving the office we stopped by Nagoya to see our good friend Steve, he was so worried about Dan and wanted to see him and give a gift for his birthday. He was so happy to see us, of course he was not letting us leave without having dinner and happy the traditional birthday celebrate with music……Dan was so touched by the beautiful card Steve had picked out for him……I think this made his birthday complete and so special. We love Steve and Sandy, they are amazing people and truly good friends, we love them. Just great people.

I took Dan home and he went straight to bed. I prepared lunch for next day, while he watched the Jet game…..I think his blood pressure was crazy watching the game……he kept saying they can do it…….but they did not hear his confidence in them……They lost, but it was a good game, and he managed to stay up to the end. Dan was not a happy camper. But within 5 minutes after the game he was out cold. I hope tomorrow is a better day for him. I hate seeing him sick.

Dan’s Birthday – Happy 53

Happy Birthday Baby……..Well we woke up this morning, and as soon as I opened my eyes I sang Happy Birthday (it wasn’t pretty, but I tried). I planned to make Dan a nice Birthday Breakfast, but in still was not feeling good, so my plans were altered to a yogurt and a slice of rye bread, I think he would have enjoyed eggs, bacon and English muffins much better, but he got what he asked for. The phone was ringing off the hook, Dan got tons of birthday wishes first thing in the morning….(he is a well liked and loved man). Unfortunately, he is still not feeling well still……which is a really sucky way to celebrate your birthday. But instead of staying home and resting…….he went into the office. Good thing he did…….the agents all came in to sing Happy Birthday to him and have a beautiful and yummy carrot cake ( Dan’s favorite cake) that Ellie had bought for him…….Dan was overwhelmed with all the people that came. We have a great office….one big family…a great place to be part of. I wanted to take Dan out for Dinner to Nagoyas, our friend Steve is insisting we come……but I think we will have to take a rain check…..because as I am looking at Dan, he just looks exhausted and ready to go to sleep. So now two of my plans have been scratched which sucks!!!!!! But I rather celebrate when he is feeling a 100% and will enjoy it. So I guess I will make something light for dinner……the carrot cake was very filling……right now the thought of food is not exciting….even thought of sushi…..which is my favorite.

Still not feeling better

Well things are still the same…..Dan is still feeling unstable and having a hard time focusing. We went to the office, despite my request for Dan to just rest and stay home. But Dan had to do what he wanted……he was still miserable and feeling sick. He went to his doctor for the follow up…..(you know he was not feeling good to go without me harping on him). After checking him out, she said his blood Pressure was high, she checked his eyes- where she said he was having problem focusing and his pupils were jumping (a name for it -do not know how to spell)…..which can be from a inner ear fluid or high blood press….etc.) He was also suffering anxiety……She said he was stressed, worn out……..especially from all the madness that we have experienced the last couple of months. She gave him a bunch of medicine and said to take till finished even if he starts to feel better and he needs to rest and relax ( Yeah, like that will ever happen…..maybe he will get it now……he is only human!!!!!). I can only hope.

I wish there was something I could do for him, he is just miserable and very irritable…….I love him to death….but a good patient he is not…..He keeps checking out all symptoms on the internet…….( the worse bit of information for someone like him…….now he has a tumor and a short time to live……yes he is a very bad patient. But he is my bad patient and I would do anything to make him feel better).

Weekend from hell

Sorry I have not written in a while…….Still trying to recover from the weekend from hell. I have been worried sick over Dan’s health….internally I am a nervous mess. It all started on Friday and has gotten progressively worse.

Friday – I woke up in the morning feeling sick to my stomach and very anxious…..I was a nervous about having oral surgery on my tooth…..(I hate dentist and anything to do with teeth). I got to the dentist and went in to have the procedure…..I was being put to sleep, that was the last thing I remember….the doctor looking for a good vain to put the IV in, from that point I do not remember a thing. From what I was told by Dan, everything went well and I was taking a long time waking up and was in recovery for a while, and the doctor instructed Dan to keep me awake and get something in my stomach it would help with anesthesia also since my sugar was dropping. So we left the dentist and got something to eat……Dan said I was so out of it, all over the place and could hardly keep my eyes open…looked like I was drunk or on drugs. Dan was worried I was going to fall or hurt myself. And this was where everything started to go down hill.w….after eating Dan said he did not feel good, so he got up to go to the restroom, and he felt dizzy and thought he was going to pass-out. This freaked him out…..he got me and we went to the car immediately…….He felt worse, and I was of no help, I still was out of it, had no clue there was an issue and could hardly stay awake. He wanted to get home….so he started to drive on Route 17, where he could not focus on the road, he could not drive…could not control the truck…..He immediately pulled off to a parking lot. Dan was nervous and freaked out…..He was really feeling sick….So he called 911 to get Help. The police and ambulance came…..All I remember was waking up….buckled into the front of the ambulance with some strange man driving…I asked…”What is going on, where am I, where is my Husband……I just had a tooth pulled, what is happing and where are we going”…….I was in a panic, I immediately snapped out of sleepy land and was scared shit. The ride to the Hospital seemed like forever,,,,,,I just wanted to see Dan and hold his hand and be next to him…..to make sure he was alright.

We were there for several hours, they ran test, checked his heart….and the super major event for Dan…..they gave him an IV for fluids (he was dehydrated and this was the 1st time in his 53 years of having an IV). Finally, they released him, they said he was dehydrated, suffering from fatigue and exhaustion. (do you think….the Man has been so much, loosing his father, mother, a close friend in a period 6 months, the stress of all responsibilities, the problems and shit…and the stress of me), plus his blood pressure was high. They gave told him to follow up on Monday with his physician and rest till then. We then had to call Ellie from the office (we love her to death) to come pick us up at the hospital and to take us to our truck. Whereupon, I drove to him home, but first stopped to get prescriptions filled and got Dan some homemade chicken soup., I just wanted to get home to rest. I was so worry about Dan, I never see him sick…..but he looked miserable, and he was slow moving and shakey he can hardly stand or walk without holding on. He went right to bed and went to sleep. I was so nervous….checking on him every 15 minutes to see if he was breathing and if he needed anything. He sleep thru the night…..I on the other got no sleep worrying and checking on him. I was like a watch dog on protecting his home and master.

Saturday – I Woke feeling like shit….my stomach was killing me…..must of had a sugar low (hair was all damp and little curls)and tired from lack of sleep, besides my usual stomach pains. Made Dan breakfast, he was still feeling sick and dizzy so he went right back to bed. He spent the rest of the day there, resting. In the mean time I cleaned the house, did laundry, cooked and did my normal weekend chores. Before I knew it …..It was time for dinner, so I whipped something together quickly and cleaned up. I checked on Dan for the rest of the evening….I laided in bed with Dan and watched TV with him till he fell asleep. I was so tired, but was afraid to go to sleep.

Sunday- I must of fell asleep for a little bit, because I was awaken by the sun rays shining thru the windows…..It was a beautiful fall morning…..a great day for the Jet game (Dan gave the Tickets to Jenny and her friend, since he was still feeling unstable to go….He kept apologizing to Me…..I didn’t care I just wanted him to feel better, I am so worried about him). After breakfast Dan said he wanted to try to get out…..so we needed to get food, the refrigerator was bare)…..and we needed to finish getting gifts for the twins birthday later in the day. Well, we went food shopping…..at least attempted …..that turned out to be a nightmare. We got into the store, walked to the of the store back by produce and then it happen……Dan got dizzy and he began to panic…He was calling me, with this frantic look on his face, scared the shit out of me……he said he had to leave the store and sit in the truck, he felt like he was going to drop….I wanted to walk out with him, but he insisted that I finish up, he would be okay once he got to the car. Of course I watched him walk to the truck and get inside. So I like a mad women, I raced to finished food shopping, (I probably ran down a lot of people with my cart), checked out, packed the truck up and got Dan home. He went to lay down and I put all the groceries away. I said to Dan we should skip the party, but he said no ,,,,,so he rested for awhile and we headed to my sister Kathleen’s house for the party. It was great to see everyone…..the twins were so excited to open their gifts and have everyone there for them. We had a nice dinner and birthday cake……Dan was able to stay to the end (he was a real sport)…..He was quite and did not move a lot….which helped him get thru the night. I really enjoyed being with everyone…..my nieces and nephew are so cute…..I love them to death and they always make me smile and happy inside. We left the party and went home…..I was so thankful Dan went and gave me the opportunity to go….I think it also helped him too……it gave him something else to think about. He was wiped and went straight to bed. I just hope he feels better soon…..I know it is frustrating for him to feel sick and not in control, especially because he is never sick……and for him to have an IV…….holy shit you know he is not feeling well. I got things ready for going into the office in the morning and crawled into bed carefully, not to wake him……but he was out cold the minute his head the pillow. He said he is going to work Monday like normal. Don’t know how since he can walk to well,drive, and can’t focus on computer or phone eyes blurry. He is determined to. Our yearly vacation (5 weeks away)can’t come soon enough for him. Doctor said that rest will serve him well.