Category Archives: My Thoughts

Back and refreshed from the best vacation ever!!!!!!

Sorry for not writing for the last couple of weeks, but I was living the life and enjoying every minute. I have spent 2 weeks in Saint Maarten, for Thanksgiving and celebrating my 50th Birthday in the Penthouse condo with rooftop pool …….compliments of my wonderful husband Dan. I cannot express in words how thankful I am and what a great time I had…..it was absolutely great!!!!!!

Every day I woke to beautiful blue skies, crystal clear blue water, sun and the beauty of the island…….I am just so lost for words…..I had the time of my life and I am and will be forever grateful for Dan……pushing me everyday to live for the moment……I would not be here if it was not for him……Thank you baby!!!!!!

Everyday was beautiful, always sunny, a slight breeze, blue skies and nice warm climate. We woke every morning…..had breakfast and lunch by our own private pool on the roof over looking the ocean. We had the best meals at our favorite restraurants, lots of fish (especially lobster and conch)……I was in heaven. We saw all our local friends, we had a get together on the roof top, with our good friends from the resort – drinks and lots of laughs and MaMa’s pizza….(goat cheese pie – so good!!!)

At night, Dan and I went fishing off the new pier in the marina……so much fun (unfortunately we only caught a crab). The other evenings we went to Casino, hung and caught up with our friends there…..at the same time we did win some money…..I had a beginners luck streak playing 3 card poker…..I was so proud – Got 3 of a kind and a straight flush.

Then we went into town on a major shopping spree…….We went to the Robert Graham store for Dan…..yes we did some major damage….3 hours later……Dan, is going to be looking way to cool with his new outfits…….especially the jeans. Then we went shopping for me…..I got few beautiful dresses……I will not be able to eat, drink or breathe when wearing. I will be stinking good for a long time with all the perfume I got……and most of all….Dan got me a absolutely gorgeous bracelet……I LOVE IT…….Then I got earings, ring and Necklace….bathing suits and cover-up…..and so much more. Dan really out did himself…….I am so thankful for everything.

It was absolutely a wonderful birthday celebration……so much fun and relaxing. But with every good trip, there is always a little hip-cup that happens and makes the trip more memorable. Dan had a little problem after eating a rice krispy treat that I offered him…….yes, Dan needed to make his international dentist visit to the French side this time……yes, his cap came off and cracked upper tooth when he bit down on cap. Yeap, it was my fault again lol. And then the final speed bum, luckly at the end of the trip, as we were leaving (just as we got to the airport to leave) there was a bomb scare at the airport…the airport was evacuated and we were stranded in the parking lot in the blazing hot sun for 4 hours, with no water or food, and no medicine or luggage. And to make things worse….I had a major sugar low and a bad seizure… Not a good time for either of us. Our flight was cancelled and we were sent to the French side to a hotel for the night, and transported back to the airport the next morning for a flight home. This was the first time I could not wait to get back home…….(yes, I was happy to land in New York, but my heart was sad, missing the warm weather and beauty of the island, and our friends)…..But you must leave inorder to come back.

Just exhausted and not having much to say

Hello, I have not written the last few days…….just have not had anything really to say. I am tired of saying the same old thing……feeling shitty and tired of my sugars being all over the place. High, low, high, low at all different times……making my thoughts scattered and my heart racing out of my chest…..it seems to be hurting all the time. I am tired of feeling like shit……it just sucks be time.

A real nice weekend!!!!!

To sum it up this weekend was very nice and very busy…….Dan and I were continuously running and on the go. We need another couple of days to just recover from Saturday and Sunday.

On Saturday, Dan and I got up early and straightened up the house……It was a big day for Dan. Jenny was bringing her boyfriend, down to meet Dan and I for the first time. Dan was all excited (also nervous, eventhough he will never admit it). They got to our house around 1:00 pm and we sat around and talked for about an hour before going to dinner. He was extremely nice guy, very polite, smart, a great personality, cute and very level headed. Dan and I both liked him, we were so pleased…..and most of all…..Jenny looked happy…..and that is all that matters (he treats her very nice) ,they make adorable couple. I am truly happy for the both of them. We had a great early dinner and excellent conversation and lots of laughs. We took them to Home Depot, helped pick tiling for his kitchen floor and pick out his (their) first Christmas tree and decorations. Dan was just busting inside with happiness….just having this experience with Jenny and her choices. It made me so happy to see Dan smile and being happy,,,,,,,it has been rough for him lately with the loss of his parents.
After they left, Dan and I had to help Steve from Nagoya……He had a problem with his Truck and needed our help. Dan made all the calls needed and got him set up to get the truck fixed. Then my sister Erika, came up by me for dinner….she wanted Sushi……and of course we went Steve’s. We had a great time….it was good to see her and just hang out……we have not been able to see much of each other, especially all that has been going on my life, and Dan’s health….and on her end the girls soccer schedules and her increased work load.

Sunday was another busy day……actually a day of shopping. Dan took me shopping to get some outfits for the holiday parties we have in the upcoming weeks……A six hour shopping spree. I got some nice outfits and cannot wait to wear them. It was also great test/therapy for him…..He went the whole time without having any panic attacks, which made him feel so happy. I am so glad he is feeling better……It is nice to have the old Dan back…… I must say I am so tired after the events of this weekend….I hope for a good nights sleep……time will tell.

A me day

Woke this morning and it was quite chilly…….the warmth of the sun on my face felt good, as we drove into the office. That was the only thing that felt good. I am a little shaky this morning, since I had a low in the middle of the night, caught it this time, because when I had woke to use the bathroom….My PJ’s and hair was soaking wet with sweat and my heart was beating out of my chest, my coordination was so out of control, it was a struggle to test my sugar and open a bottle of glucose……after several attempts I got the bottle opened, drank it, and managed to get to bed without Dan knowing I had a problem or even waking him….Thank God!!!!

Today, is going to be a me day. I am going to get my hair cut……it has gotten so long and unmanageable……except for today. Of course it comes out absolutely perfect….yeap, the day I am going to get it cut…..( I am not giving into this trick…I am keeping my appointment – I need something to make me feel good), that is step #1. Tonite, after dinner I will do step #2. to make me beautiful (At least try too) and make me feel better – I am going to color my hair. Yes I feel pretty, oh so pretty…NOT! Just feel like crap….going to bed….can’t take it anymore.., (my ribs are still killing me – which is not helping)..I need to get a good nights sleep…..Please let me have that….please, please!!!!!!!.

One Year Today

Wow, I can not believe it has been one year today that Dan’s Dad has passed. I feel so bad for Dan…..I know he is hurting inside, he loved his dad so much and misses him so much. He is trying to hide his pain, but I can see right thru him, it is only normal….I know I would/and will be devasted if I lost my dad. The good thing is Dan has a lot to do today at the office with the new agents, which is a good ……It will be a distraction for him……at least a little. I also feel sad inside, I loved Dan’s dad, he always teased me and made me laugh…….I do truly miss him.

On today’s agenda, we have to go get toys for the next charity drive…..TOYS FOR TOTS……..Dan and I started off the drive for our office each year with a truck load of toys. I love doing this drive it makes me so good inside. First truck load of toys (A Hummer packed to the max) bought and delivered to office. I just have to vent, I am dying inside between my ribs and my stomach…..do not know which hurts more, I just want to cry. I keep repeating to myself, “Suck it up buttercup!!!!!”
It’s late, we are leaving the office…..not feeling any better, apparently Had a sugar low on the way home….just do not get it, of course Dan was very upset. I made dinner and cleaned up. After I got done, Dan and I went to the Shop Rite to get beverages to stock the beverage center in the office and to get our perscriptions filled.
Hopefully, I get a good nights sleep, have to get up very early to take Dan to get test done at hospital. Keeping my fingers crossed to getting a good nights sleep….can only hope.

Not much to say

I am going to make it short and sweet…….the last two days I have been feeling really horrible and totally scattered……and truthfully, I just do not feeling like repeating myself over and over……so on that note……I am alive and getting by, I am not in the mood to be social…..Sorry maybe tomorrow will be better.

Lots of running around to do and things to get done!!!!!

This weekend was crazy and yet very productive. Dan and I got a lot of things done.
Saturday, we slept a little later than usual, I did not sleep well the night before….I woke up in the middle of the night all sweaty and my heart was poundling ( symptom a little different for a low of 40), caught it before it got worse, drank a bottle of glucose and went back to bed……just grateful I did not wake Dan, as I stumbled into the other room…..that would have made more stress on him. So my Saturday started feeling the norm / like crap….but I was determined to get things done, a girl with a mission. I cleaned the house and did 2 loads of laundry. We went to get my fur coat…..Dan and I went to storage and got the Christmas tree and the decorations. We put up the tree, decorated the outside entry with the Christmas tree lights………we were on a roll…….then we went to Pier 1 to look for a new vase to replace the one I shattered. At Pier 1 , we found some interesting red Bamboo sticks to fill the awesome Vase Dan and I found. We found this Huge 5 ft vase which we made some alterations to……Dan made it look great….grey slate color and made it look distressed. I love it better than the original one we had. We are a great team together when it comes to taste and decorating…..very modern and comtemporary. It was a long day of running around……and we did everything we set out to do, except get the kissing balls for the office…….I told Dan they were not out yet…..But what do I know.

Sunday- woke up early…..just could not sleep the whole night…..my ribs are just killing me from my previous fall….just another pain….but who is complaining. I did my usual Sunday routine, changed sheets, put the laundry away…..get a head start on making some meals…..the usual. Dan wanted look for the kissing balls…..he was determined to find them…..he went as far as going into New York……but of course he doesn’t listen to me…….No Kissing Balls out anywhere. Oh Well!!!!!! I know we did other stuff, but I do not recall what exactly we did…….All I know is that I did have a sugar low, which just made me feel like shit for the rest of the day. Before I knew it , it was time for dinner……..so I made dinner for us, cleaned up and parked my butt on the couch, where I veggied till it was time for bed.

One of my bad days

I woke this morning feeling like death and truthfully just wanted to die. My head was killing me so bad I just wanted to cry, my left wrist and hand was all swollen, stiff (could barely bend my fingers or move my wrist), it hurt to breath or move…..my ribs and hip were killing me (like someone ran me over and crushed my bones) and at the same time, I have this continuous stabbing pain in my belly. I do not remember going to bed, so I knew this was a bad thing…..and as I slowly tried to get out of the bed and walked into the living room……I knew a lot of bad happened last night. The place was a disaster….my favorite vase (150lbs and was a 5 foot in height) was in a million pieces…..I was so upset.

I just want to apologize in advance if entry is scattered and the spelling is poor……but my brain seems to be suffering from last night, and I am having a difficult time concentrating and putting my thoughts into words.

Well, moving extremely slow and gingerly……..I did manage get into the office……Dan came back for me later in the morning….he had an appointment with a new agent. I am sitting in the office, and I can tell you I am really hurting….I am trying to act like nothing is wrong…….but it is real hard. All I can say is I cannot wait for the day to be over…….my sugar is all over, but mostly very low….I just cannot get it up and stay there…..I am really starting to hate Snapple (mango) it is not working like it usually does…..4 bottles already today.

Dan, dropped me home which worry’s him, while he went to a home inspection ….he took the new agent to show her what an inspection entails . So I got a chance to get head a head start on dinner, I am making salmon and spaghetti squash. After dinner we will have to go for Snapple since we have none left, in the process of drinking my 5th bottle. Dan came home, we ate……dinner was very tasty if I do say so myself,…..I made lunch for the next day, cleaned up after dinner, while Dan relaxed on the couch. When I was done, I walked into the living room to find Dan completely sound a sleep…..I woke him to go to the store, but he was really tired and out of it, so I let him sleep. But of course,….an hour later I have a sugar low……I have no Snapple left in house and I hate the pure glucose….Dan gets so much anxiety over this,so I drank 3 bottles of glucose….which helped a little…still did not go up much (I guess I am not digesting anything). I decided just to go to bed, besides I was feeling so sore and in pain…..tomorrow is another day!

Terrible Tuesday

Yes, it is Tuesday already…….the nights go by so face and the days take forever to end. I woke this morning feeling like total crap…….I did not sleep well at all…….as a result, although I am trying to keep a positive outlook on the day…….it has not started off well. Went to the office with Dan after the repair man came to fix the oven at 8:00am.
It was busy at the office, Dan had agents in and out of his office all day. I am so proud of him, he is extremely good at what he does, and he loves his job……it truly shows. In between his meetings, we ran to the Hillsdale office to drop off checks and pick some up. I was just sick in pain…..but I kept smiling and tried to hide how I was feeling and was just waiting for the day to end. At 5:30 we had gotten a call from an old customer who wanted to see a condo and put an offer on it. So we met with them, showed the unit, wrote the offer and negotiated it….they got the place and they were very happy. Prior to the appointment I had a bad sugar low of 35, so I had to down a Snapple so I was able to hold it together for the appointment……it was 7:30 when we got done, so we had to get something to eat right away……and then go back to office to get the contracts to the attorney’s asap……since they wanted to close in less than 2 weeks….all cash offer. So Dan and I work on getting that all done for the clients. It was a long day, and apparently it was not going to end on a good note. When I got home, I proceeded to make the meals for the next day and everything went bad……according to Dan……because I do not remember a thing. I must have had another bad sugar low…….must have had problems standing and was totally out of it, while Dan fell asleep in the other room…….because he was awoken by a crashing sound. Of course he ran to see what happened and in a panic……..I had fallen and knocked down a large 150 lb 5 foot tall vase with 7 foot high sticks in it, scratching the walls and the new hardwood floors, there were pieces of the vase all over, he said I was standing there unaware of what I did,……I then tried to walk and fell hitting my head and ribs on the corner of the granite counter, and then fell again hitting my head on the floor trying to stand up. Let’s just say Dan was so upset trying to get me to just lay down so he could help me……he managed to help me gain back some consciousness (of course I was resistant – totally out of it….which made it very hard for him), he got me to the bedroom and put me to bed and then slept holding on to me all night so I didn’t get up without him. Not good at all…….I felt so bad for Dan…….I HATE WHEN THIS HAPPENS……I GET SO PISSED OFF !!!!!!. The next morning I saw all the damage done and had a swollen hand and ribs plus a bump on my head. Dan had it all cleaned up in a half hour and acted like nothing ever happened. I know that I am the cause of Dan’s anxiety that is really starting to suffer more and more from. Since my health has started to get worse in last few months and he had some other major events in his life he is having panic attacks and severe anxiety…..yet if you saw him with the agents or clients you would think he was his usual funny and charming self!

Interesting Weekend!!!!!

This weekend was very interesting…..Dan had a slight set back ( a Major Meltdown at the mall).
Saturday morning we woke early…..I felt like crap, as usual….but I got up ….made breakfast (eggs, bacon and muffins), cleaned up, worked out and got into the shower. In between getting ready I changed the sheets and towels and did two loads of laundry. Dan went to office and took down fall decorations did some paper work . By the time I finished it was time for Lunch. So Dan came home and I made lunch and we ate and got ready to go to Storage to return the Halloween costumes and get the Christmas Tree and decorations……so we can get a head start on decorating before we go to Saint Maarten. On the way back from storage, we decided to go to the mall…..to get Dan a suit and then go to get something to eat and see a movie. Well, we did do that, but not it that order……we decided to get something to eat first (it was already 4:30 – we had an early dinner), of course I had a sugar low…..so Dan ordered me an drink. After dinner, I suggested we go to the movies….to beat the big crowds of Saturday night…..so we went to see Gone Girl…….It was a very good movie….we both really enjoyed it. I was so glad we went to see it when we did…..the theatre was crazy when we walked out. So we then proceeded to go shopping for a suit for Dan. Dan had found some suits and went to try them on……and it was down hill from there. Dan came out of the dressing room in a panic and he was dizzy and felt like he was going to pass out….he was hot and did not look good……he was having a major dizzy spell and panic attack……we had to go outside to get air…..get him water….nothing was helping….his pills were not working fast enough. Dan was not a happy camper…..but we eventually managed to get back to car…..he was more stable and felt better and able to drive home. Dan was very upset and kept apologizing…..I told him to stop…..it would be better once we got home, and tomorrow was another day. We got home and Dan went right to bed…….planned on sleeping late…..the clocks were being set back.

Sunday, we slept late……Dan slept good…..I did not, worried about him all night. The plan for today was make another attempt to go shopping for a suit for Dan. So this time we ventured to the Nanuet mall……we went to Macy’s and looked all over….they did not have any in his size……but he did managed to find some great buys for our vacation…..so he was very happy. We came home, I made dinner, he watched the game. After dinner I cleaned up, put everything away and we were off to Shop Rite……we shopped for ourselves and for the office. By the time I put everything away it was already 10:00, shit the day went by so fast……made lunch for the next day and literally went right to bed. My head and stomach were killing me……yep, I can tell you tonight is not going to be a good night for sleep. The good thing was Dan was feeling better and he got pass his melt down and dizziness.