Dan and I went in to the city to meet with the insulin pump specialist and then with the endo doctor. The pump that they want me to go on is the newest and the only one on the market that does what it does. Its as close to a mecanical pancreas as you can get today. You wear a sensor on one side of your stomach and the pump on the other side, whereupon the sensor then tells the pump every few minutes what your blood sugar is. You can then have it warn you up to 1/2 hour before a sugar low or high – alerting you that your going to have a problem so you have a chance to fix the problem before it occurs. It senses and predicts trends in your sugar and alerts you. My insurance might pay for the pump and part of supplies but the sensor system is probably not covered. The one infuser is $50 every 2 days the other is $50 every 3 days and then you have to buy the transmitter and so on and so on; plus you have to get everything in 3 month supplies. Right now I have to check my sugar every hour so that means I get up every hour thru the night plus it starting to effect the feeling my fingers – I have be doing this for 7 years. With the sensor I would only calibrate 2 times a day with a finger stick. Dan told the rep to see what the insurance company will pay for and what we would need to pay for, I told him to forget it. I keep telling him, what if We could get it and it does not work that well for me, it would be a waste, and even if it does work will….Its would be an additional bill every 3 months, plus the start up bill …. Which so expensive, No way….we are having a hard time now.
On the way home in the car the news had on the story about the polite man who robbed the 7 eleven and was caught. He said he needed the $300 to feed his family. Then they interview a man on the street who said “I have been thinking about doing the same thing for last few months,” he said he must have thought about it over 200 times. He went on to say he has cancer and can’t support his family anymore and if he did the robbery and then got caught, he would give the money to his family so they could buy what they needed and when he was caught, the prison system would pay for his cancer treatment. I looked over at Dan and he said ” Want to stop on the way home for a SLURPEE?” He has a way of making me laugh even when I don’t want to.
I’m worried about him he really doesn’t want to talk with anyone, see anyone, he is never quite and now he is. When we have dinner at night he is usually a chatter box, but of late he just tells me the meal taste great and thanks me for it, and thats about it. I feel like I am putting so much pressure on him and I’m starting to see it ware on him. When things got tough, I use to tell him, I would be happy living in a card box as long as I was with him, and it always made him smile, now I don’t get that smile, he just turns and walks away and says don’t worry I figure it out you don’t need the stress. It is killing me to see him like this, I miss the old him and us that could laugh at everything ……I just wish I was not the cause of his stress and could help or just make him smile….I want my old Dan…….And want him to know – I love him so much and know how much he wants to do the best for me……I keep telling him, I don’t need anything – all I need is him.